Pyle of List

You’re a million dollar, superstar athlete. You’re at the top of your game. You’ve got a shoe endorsement. The world is your oyster. Hey, that chick over by the bar is pretty cute. What can go wrong?

In light of Roger Clemens’ wife apparently being a key cog in the steroid scandal that is shaking our nation to it’s core (SARCASM!) we thought we would honor the other embarrassing moments for star athletes caused by their trophies.

This ends poorly
Chuck Finley Gets Ass Kicked By Video Vixen - Tawny Kitaen went from rolling around on the hood of a car, to kicking a MLB pitcher’s ass in one. How can a juggy, yet frail, ginger like Kitaen beat up a 6′6″ good ‘ol southern boy? By repeatedly kicking him “several times with her high-heeled boots, and severely twisted his ear, leaving visible marks”. Thank you Wikipedia.

So cute, yet so combustable
Andre Rison’s House Burns Down - Give me a project bitch indeed. In 1994, Rison came home late at night to find that an enraged Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez had burned his house down, with all his worldly possessions inside. I can just see the scene at his house when he got home a little too late. “Oh helllll no! You don’t walkin’ up in here wit no type a explanation. You a dawg. You a dawg and I’m on to you. And this will teach you to mess wit a member of TLC! *sets house on fire* Bet you wish there was a waterfall now, huh ‘Bad Moon’?!” And if I was really insensitive I would make a joke about Left Eye getting her comeuppance eventually. But I won’t…

This should win over the media…
A-Rod’s Wife Gives an ‘F’ - From the pages of ‘What to do when you’re the most scrutinized player in the biggest city and all you want is acceptance’. Mrs. Bestplayerinbaseball thought it would be hilarious if she wore a shirt that said ‘f*ck you’ on it to a Yankee game. And in fact it was hilarious, just probably not in the way she was expecting.

“Where did you want that weed whacker, Ms. Benson?”
Kris Benson Better Not Cheat - Kris’ wife, Anna Benson, stated during a Howard Stern interview that if she ever learned of Kris having an affair, she would “have sex with all members of the Mets organization, including the grounds crew”. Needless to say, the Mets facilities department got more applications the next day than any other day in its history. Oh, and this was all after she posed for FHM (it was classy, trust me) and came to the Mets X-mas party dressed like it was an XXX-mas party.

Well at least she’s not a loud mouth bi…aw nuts!
Kurt Warner’s Wife Existing - Yuck.

That’s a good boy!

Jackie Christie Wears the Pants (and Holds the Leash) - This couple is legendary. Doug made a regular habit of raising his hand during games at every moment he thought of his wife. As a Sacramento Kings fan, I was able to see past that excessive sign of affection and appreciate him for his skills. However, after his skills declined, they just got more and more freaky. They got their own reality show, Committed. They started some dominatrix-bondage shit that would make Marilyn Manson blush. This woman is all kinds of crazy, nucking futs, whatever you want to call it…she’s got it all.
Here’s the other episode recaps of Commited from SLAM ONLINE: episode 2, episode 3, episodes 4/5

A mock-up of Lugo’s car after his wife finished bashing her head in.

Mabely Lugo Accuses Husband Julio of Assaulting Her (Actually Assaulted Herself) - This was back in 2003 when Lugo still played for the Astros. Mabely claimed that Lugo assaulted her in the parking lot of Minute Maid Park. She said that her head was bruised because he slammed it into their SUV. After the case went to court, she came out with the truth. He did not assault her. She slammed her own head into the car. I don’t know if she got in trouble for filing a false police report. I think that song by Outkast, Roses (check out the refrain at the end), was inspired by Mrs. Lugo.

She’s no stranger to the Miranda Rights.

Antonio Davis’ Wife Attacks a Fan - After Wrestlemania: Auburn Hills Edition starring the Pistons and Pacers a few years ago, the situation with Antonio Davis running into the stands to “protect” his wife got the talking heads all frothed up. They said that fans were running amok and were endangering the players and now their families too. Turns out that she’s the amok runner. Kendra had previously thrown a cup of coffee on a fellow driver after she was confronted about running a stop sign. Then video footage showed her advancing on the fan while he tried to motion for security to come help him. It makes me wonder if Antonio was trying to save his wife, or trying to save the schmo that was being emasculated in front of an entire arena of onlookers.

Editors note: We tried to come up with some crazy husbands of female athletes, but we couldn’t think of any. We’re not saying women are the only crazies out there, because we’ve all happened upon our fair share of douchebaggery. If you can think of any crazy trophy husbands, please have at it in the comments.