Pyle of List

Now that the regular college football season is officially over, we’re in that lull before bowl games begin.  Sure, those start Saturday, but that’s a long five days.  So until then, I’d like to spend some time addressing questions that popped into my mind during the year that I never got around to talking about.

Your questions/suggestions are welcome.

First up, let’s talk about this guy:

Michigan’s Denard “Shoelace” Robinson

With all the hoopla surrounding freshman QB Tate Forcier of Michigan (for awhile, anyway), Denard sort of got pushed to the backburner.  He did have a couple of amazing touchdown runs but mostly stood on the sidelines.

His nickname is “Shoelace,” and he got this nickname because he never ties his shoes.  That’s odd enough in itself, and I’ll get to it momentarily.  But why that nickname?    This is not the same as calling the huge guy in your group “Tiny.”  “Shoelace” is not the opposite of what he does; it’s the name of the thing he doesn’t use.   Why on earth would you give someone a nickname for something they DON’T use?  That would be like calling Jeremiah Masoli “Mercy” or Tim Tebow “Women.”

But back to the matter at hand.  Why doesn’t the guy ever tie his shoelaces?  I have a few theories.

1.  He’s incapable of bending at the waist.

2. All his life he wore Velcro shoes, only to show up at Michigan and be given a pair with laces.  Not wanting to appear like an idiot, he made up some story about an old nickname and just went with it.

3.  Much like Charlie Chaplin’s “The Tramp,” Robinson had to eat all of his shoelaces like spaghetti as a child in order to survive.  Therefore, he is accustomed to going without.

4.  One day during his childhood, a pack of rabid dogs busted down his front door.  He only had time to throw on his shoes, not tie them, before he ran for his life.  He then incorrectly attributed his exceptionally fast speed to his untied shoes and not the fact that he was running for his life.

5.  It’s all in preparation for what will be the most elaborate touchdown celebration in the history of the sport.

Finally, how is he able to run so fast without his shoelaces tied?  Shoelaces exist for a reason.  To keep your shoes on!  Running full speed with your shoelaces untied should be at best uncomfortable and at worst a potential broken ankle when your shoes keep slipping off.

Perhaps he’s wearing shoes two sizes too small.  Could this be cutting off circular in his feet?  Is he going to burst a blood vessel and have to have his foot amputated all because of a stupid nickname?

If you can answer any of these questions, feel free.