Pyle of List

Two former offensive coordinators at USC (who were complained about in the past but would be welcomed back with open arms right now) were hired as head coaches prior to this season.  One was Washington’s Steve Sarkisian.  The Huskies didn’t win a game last season, so any improvement would be good and there was literally no way to do worse.  They went well beyond expectations, finishing 5-7, and were one lucky Hail Mary and one botched replay away from being 7-5.

There’s no denying that Sarkisian had an influence.  Washington looked like a team that believed in itself even before it had won a game, when it opened the season by giving the visiting LSU Tigers MUCH more than they were likely expecting.  (If one specific Husky cornerback hadn’t fallen on two separate occasions to give up long touchdown passes, they might have even won.)

But Jake Locker’s return was a big reason they were a much better team.  Without him, there’s no way Sark would have achieved the same record.  Still impressive, yes, but heavily aided simply by having a star player return from injury.

Meanwhile, the other coordinator was Lane Kiffin, now the head coach at Tennessee.  He was taking over a program in much better condition.  In fact, looking at their past season records, it’s hard to believe Phillip Fulmer got fired.  From 2003-2008 he had three 10-win seasons and only two losing ones.  Though I guess that doesn’t say much for his stability.  Plus they likely wanted a fresh young face to re-energize what had become a fairly stagnant team in the SEC.

And that’s just what Kiffin did.  Record-wise, he only improved two games, from 5-7 to 7-5 (bowl game pending).  But there is an AURA now surrounding Tennessee.  Sure, there are allegations about “courtesy hosts,” but that’s because the school is being talked about.  This news wouldn’t be nearly as prevalent if Tennessee wasn’t so relevant.

And BOY are they relevant, as Kiffin does his part to keep them in the news each week.  There’s a long check-list of things he’d done or that have happened since he’s been there, which I’ll get to in a moment.

The thing is, other than totally dominating Georgia, the Vols didn’t do anything that impressive.  Sure, they NEARLY took down #1 Alabama, but “nearly” only matters when you’re being tried for attempted murder.  They played Florida close, but the game was nearly really in doubt.  Yet, after that game, it felt like Tennessee had won something simply by virtue of not getting blown out.  And the Gators, players, fans, and coaches included, acted like they had lost a part of themselves.

I can’t really explain all this positive energy that’s emanating from Tennessee right now.  So I won’t.  I’ll let Kiffin do it for me.  Here are a list of events that Kiffin has been associated with since his arrival at Tennessee, and his explanations for them.

Public Feud With Urban Meyer

Kiffin accused Meyer of breaking recruiting violations by calling a recruit while he was visting Tennessee’s campus.  Turns out that’s not a violation.  The bad blood continued between the two leading up to the game, which Florida won, but not in a dominant fashion.  Meyer wrote this off to the fact that many of his players were suffering from the flu.  When Kiffin was later asked if he was worried about his players getting the flu, he responded, “I don’t know.  I guess we’ll wait and after we’re not excited about a performance, we’ll tell you everybody was sick.”

This seems to be a bit of bad blood, but there’s more to it than that.

Kiffin: “I’ve got nothing against ole squinty eyes.  Or Squint, as we call him around here.  He does things his way, bending the rules that are bendable, and I do mine my way.  I think we could have beat them this year.  I bet if we played fifty times, we’d beat them…thirty-two to thirteen.  Times.  Somewhere in there.  It’s tough because he’s got that Heisman-winning running back, er, quarterback.  He won it sometime a few years ago.  He’s leaving but I’m sure the next guy will step up, and they might actually make it to the SEC Championship game again.

Kiffin pauses to put on an Alabama hat.

“Roll Tide!”

Insulting South Carolina

Kiffin allegedly told a recruit that if he went to South Carolina, he would “end up pumping gas for the rest of his life.”  This seems to be a joke that got out of hand, but there’s more to it than that.

Kiffin:  “I meant exactly what I said, but not the way it sounds.  I was simply saying that he’d be successful enough to be able to afford a car and the gas to go in it because South Carolina is a fine institution.  Think about it.  EVERYONE pumps gas their whole lives!  Their own gas!  Unless you live in Oregon, but then hey, you live in Oregon, and it’s really beautiful up there.”

Name Checked By Lil Wayne

In his song “Banned From TV,” Lil Wayne includes the lyric, “smoke weed, talk sh** like Lane Kiffin.”  This seems to be a response to Kiffin’s trash talking, but there’s more to it than that.

Kiffin:  “I’d been getting some negative response for some of the…I guess you could call it ‘trash talking,’ but I just call it talking.  Anyway, I needed someone to make it a positive thing, and I know that no one loves to talk sh** more than rappers.  Snoop Dogg told me that.  We’re friends, you know.  We’d go rollin’ after USC practices.  In his car, I mean, not marijuana.  Well I called him up to ask if he’d do it.  Finally, after a few weeks, I actually got to speak with him directly.  And he said no.  But I just kept asking and asking.  Eventually he got really pissed off, so to punish me he had Lil Wayne sign about me.”

Vols Players Arrested In Attempted Robbery

Two players were arrested for attempting to rob people outside a convenience store.  While a teammate was there.  While wearing Tennessee gear.  This seems to be pure stupidity, but there’s more to it than that.

Kiffin:   “Just to be clear, I never encouraged my players to rob anyone.  Because if I had, it sure as heck wouldn’t have been done using a pellet gun at a Citgo.  It would have been done with AK-47s.  And we would have robbed Fort Knox.  No, that’s not cool enough.  We’d have robbed America!  I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds exciting, and that’s important.  I was happy to hear they were wearing their orange though.  That’s something I highly encourage.  In fact I thought about getting one of them fake tans like the guys in Hollywood do.  Nick Lachey told me about it.  But it was going to be WAAAY overdone so that I’d be orange.  Because as much as I try I can’t wear orange all the time.  But I could if it was on my skin.”

NCAA Investigating Tennessee Hostesses

Tennessee coeds have attended games of high school prospects to lure them to the university…perhaps with more than just words.  This seems to be a possible major infraction, but there’s more to it than that.

Kiffin:  “This has been going on for a long time, way before I got here.  And if I’ve made one thing crystal clear, it’s that I’m all about upholding the traditions of the university.  Not only that, but what about defending our freedoms as citizens of the greatest country in the history of the universe?  Aren’t we allowed to love whomever we please?  Why should these lovely young girls be denied the night of their lives with the men of their choosing simply because said men happened to be interested in our university?  Why wouldn’t they be interested?  It’s got great football and is full of women ready to sleep with them!  Isn’t that a Catch 22 or something?

Besides, I’m not really that interested in recruits who would sleep with these girls anyway.  I need men.  And men sleep with super models.  Or, in a pinch, prostitutes.  Which we also have at Tennessee.”