Pyle of List

There were puns by the bucketfuls just waiting to be used in the title to this post, but that would deprive you are the brilliant, mind-boggling simplicity of “real bears playing hockey.”  Because I know that you have read this title and thought “This cannot mean what it says.”  I know this because I did the same thing.  So let me assure you that it means EXACTLY what it says, and here is the proof:

Before I jump into my myriad of questions, let me acknowledge that this is likely at least mild animal cruelty.  (The bears do not look like they are having much fun.) But that does not mean that it is not also very awesome.  Lying and saying that it is not cool and hilarious is not going to allow me to use a time machine and go back and stop this event from happening.  (And before seeing this video last night, if I had used a time machine and wound up at an event where bears were playing hockey, I’d think I had gone to the future.)That out of the way, imagine you were told, “There’s a bear that can ice skate.”  That’s pretty cool.  But whoever put this thing together did not think an ice-skating bear was impressive enough.  He wanted a bunch of them.  And he wanted them to use sticks and hit a puck.  Really think about this for a moment.  Whether this guy had the money to organize the event himself or not is irrelevant.  At some point he had to say to someone, probably lots of people, “I want to have bears play ice hockey.”  And the man had the gumption to make it happen.  I’d like to meet him.

The most obvious question is: How did they train bears to play hockey?  Most likely they started with bears that were already trained, because even if they were taught most of it individually, at some point they had to be brought together.  And being trapped in a rink with a bunch of still-in-training bears carrying sticks does not sound like a good idea.

Speaking of…who are these referees?  Probably the trainers since no knowledge of hockey rules is required.  And as you’ll notice at the 1:56 mark, the bears stop fighting when the “ref” skates over.  (The whole video I was hoping for a fight.  Not sure the last time a Youtube video delivered on its potential that well.)  But can you imagine the ads looking for these trainers.

Bear trainers wanted.  Must be able to ice skate.  Part of your responsibilities will include breaking up bear fights.

Finally…what about this audience?  How did they hear about this?  What kind of guy decides to bring his family to it?  How do you pitch this to your wife?

It doesn’t appear that there is any sort of glass or net between the rink and the audience.  This is pretty dangerous because an errant puck could hit somebody.  Or…wait…a BEAR COULD LEAP INTO THE CROWD.

And while it’s not nearly as important as possible bear-induced death, how do you root for this?  You’re there mostly for the spectacle, but the audience does cheer louder when one of the bears scores.  Are they actually divided onto teams?  Did the audience start to favor one over the other?  Can there be an underdog when two teams of BEARS are playing hockey?

Still so many questions.  But I’ll leave them for you to ask and answer.  Have a great holiday week, and if it starts to drag, remember, you can always watch a video of bears playing hockey.