Pyle of List

“Losers always whine about their best.  Winners go home and f*** the prom queen.”

-John Mason

The list of things Michael Bay has done wrong is bigger than the traffic FireZook.com is generating, but let’s focus on the one thing he did right: casting Sean Connery in The Rock.  Of course, that’s simply because it’s a good idea to cast Connery in anything, ever.

 This quote is appropriate because a lot of the undefeateds had a pretty terrible prom.  They spilled dinner on their tux.  They got busted for spiking the punch and smoking in the bathroom.  And they forgot to buy condoms and had to ruin the moment to run to the nearest store.  But when it was all said and done, they had copulated with the prom queen, and all was good in the world.  (Except for Kansas, who got screwed  by the prom queen, which isn’t nearly as fun.)

Seven undefeated teams left, representing six different conferences, and four of the “Big 6″ conferences.  In theory, all but two of these teams could finish the year undefeated.  But I’m not much for theory.

All the teams play this week, so here are my picks.  I’m currently 35-12 after incorrectly picking a couple to lose last week and not realizing that any team was capable of losing to Colorado.  Here are my rankings and picks.

#7 Boise State: Tulsa isn’t a slouch by any means, but a one touchdown victory over them is also not impressive by any means.  The voters are going to be faced with a predicament if both they and TCU win out.

Meanwhile, the Broncos face a Hawaii team that has forgotten how to throw the ball, which is unfortunate considering they never knew how to run or play defense.  A big win over the Rainbow Warriors would help slightly, simply because people still see the name Hawaii and think “that team isn’t great but it’s okay sometimes.”

Winner: Boise State

 #6 TCU: Yesterday I learned that TCU fans have a hand gesture somewhat similar to the Longhorns that is supposed to mimic a hopping frog.  I would be hard pressed to imitate it in person, much less describe it here.

 Everyone seems to have dismissed BYU after their blowout loss to Florida State despite the fact that they’re still ranked and winning games.  It’s an unfortunate situation for the Horned Frogs because they won’t reap the benefits of beating a good team but will face the ultimate punishment (no BCS bid) if they lose.

Winner: TCU

#5 Iowa: Thus far, the Hawkeyes games have played their games like a blind man thrown into a large maze and told there is a rabid Doberman chasing him when there really isn’t.  He might bash his face into a couple of walls and nearly knock himself out, but he is damn sure going to get out of there.  But despite it not looking very pretty, he was never really in any danger.  Eventually Iowa will find itself in some legitimate danger, and playing blind might not work.

In fact, that might happen against Michigan State tomorrow.  I have no reason to think the Spartans will win, but I also have had no reason to think Iowa would keep winning.  So it’s just happenstance at this point.

Winner: Michigan State

#4 Cincinnati: The Bearcats got through possibly their toughest game on the schedule and are rewarded with a game against a Louisville team that fails at everything, including pronouncing the name of their city.

The question is, would the voters let an undefeated Cincy team into the national championship game ahead of a one-loss Texas, USC, Oregon, Kansas, etc?  In one sense it would be hard to say no, but in the stronger sense of wanting people to actually watch the game, it would be hard to say yes.

Winner: Cincy

#3 Florida: The Gators are like a summer fling that suddenly transfers to your school the next year.  You have a great time and there were some incredible moments, but things just aren’t the same anymore.  The only solution is for Urban Meyer to don some skin-tight leather pants and do his best Olivia Newton-John impression.

Perhaps the wave of “SEC offense” is over, and we’re going to be stuck with five more years of the eternal debate “is it great defense or crappy offense?”  But I miss the real Gators.

They’ve got a chance to return to old ways against Mississippi State.  Sure, Mullen knows their system and Florida might be short a few defensive players.  But this is not a game they are going to lose.

Winner: Florida

#2 Texas: Once again the Longhorns struggled, but this time it was against a quality team.  Take away the injury to Bradford though, and I don’t see Texas coming out with a “W.”  Lucky for them, we’ll never know.

 But I’m beginning to wonder what’s happened to Colt McCoy.  His numbers aren’t terrible…but they’ve been aided by games against some terrible, terrible defenses.  It’s one interception away from tying his total from last season.

It’s not disappointing when viewed in a vacuum, but I watch games on TV.

I wouldn’t like their chances against Missouri except for the fact that the Tigers fave up points to Nebraska like candy on Halloween.

Winner: Texas

#1 Mark Ingram, er…Alabama:  It has been quite some time since I’ve seen a one man show like I saw late in the game against South Carolina.  The fact that Ingram was taking direct snaps from shotgun and running the ball at will speaks volumes for him but also says a lot about their lack of faith in Greg McElroy, who was having a bad game.  “We don’t even trust you to hand the ball off.  What if something goes wrong?”

This has not been much of an issue because Bama’s defense has been good enough to win with one touchdown if necessary, but it is a concern.  Eventually someone will stop Ingram, and that someone just might be Tennessee.  They bottled up Tebow, though it’s up for debate whether that’s an easier or more difficult task.

The offense the Volunteers found against Georgia could disappear against Bama just as quickly.  Or, more likely, be murdered in cold blood.

If McElroy struggles and the Vols can key on the running game, I fully expect this to end in a 9-6 score or something equally horrific for people who like to enjoy watching games.

Winner: Tennessee