Pyle of List

“…Brett Favre tried his best to leave the game, but the game kept calling…”

I guess you could look at the Favre going to Minnesota scenario as an unfortunate consequence the Packers tossing Favre out of the lock room when, instead, they could have let him wear the green and gold for another decade or so, only to die on the field.  Then Packer fans could bury him in the field, or have him stuffed and put on the end of the Packer bench, or cremated and the ashes be mixed in the concession stand kegs, so he could always be inside the Green Bay fans.

Instead of looking at Favre’s life the past week being filled with mowing lawns and trying to give up the game, only to have his passion force his hand.  I chose to look at the offer the Vikings gave him three weeks ago, a $3-4 million, incentive laden contract compared to the offer he actually signed, which was worth almost four times that.  Favre showed that he is a standard, money hungry, player that the NFL is littered with.  He is not a delicate snowflake, he is not special.

“…you have to feel bad for Sage Rosenfels, he was told he would have a chance at the starting position, but now…”

I feel bad writing this.  I didn’t realize that Sage was the grocery store equivalent to the mentally-deficient bag boy who was promised a spot in the deli to cut meat, only to find out that the store had hired a professional butcher, and now that poor bag boy is stuck cleaning the deli counter.  In the grocery store scenario, however, the bag boy doesn’t get his full contract to do the cleaning duty, Sage does. 

“…Some unfortunate photos show that Josh Hamilton, despite his efforts, had slipped down an all-too-familiar slope…”

A little more than a week ago, but I have still gone crazy by the Hamilton coverage.  I’m not trying to be a Ranger apologist, but it does give me an ice cream headache to see the photos on SportsCenter for five consecutive days only to have the Ben Roethlisberger allegations being mentioned once in passing. 

Why would SportsCenter care more about an ex-addict having too much in to drink in a bar one night and so little about rape allegations?  Could it be that Sports Center doesn’t try to overreact to allegations?  We know better.  Or, could it be that when the news of Big Ben alleged crime was reported, ABC was about to air an hour long Shaq vs. Ben show on prime time?  You tell me.

Josh, next time you want to hit the bars, make sure ABC knows about it first, they’ll get John Daly to come out and make it a drinking contest.  Josh vs. John, Sunday at 8 ET.

“…They’re called Tim Tebow jokes, a long list of jokes displaying Tebows all-consuming popularity…”

They are not called Tim Tebow jokes; they’re called Chuck Norris Jokes.  I know ESPN wants you to think there is a small group of fans in Florida who came up with these clever jokes.  But, reality would show that a Floridian actually learned how to use Google instead, which I actually find to be more impressive.

“…so, for those keeping score at home, Stallworth gets three weeks in jail for killing a man and Burress gets two years for shooting himself.  Does this make since to you, Keyshawn Johnson?…”

Why the urge to exclaim that Plaxico got a stiff sentence?  The man smuggled an unlicensed gun into a crowded club while wearing sweatpants.  The gun fell through the waist band and the moron shot himself in the leg.  He could have killed anyone in there.  I don’t want that man in public.  He would have escalated his stupidity and ended up blowing up a Starbucks on account of the grenade he had hidden between his ass cheeks.

Furthermore, why in God’s name are you asking Keyshawn Johnson.  Do you really feel like your side of an argument has been solidified when that second-tier dunce backs you up?  Do us a favor; don’t ask Keyshawn any law questions.  He has enough trouble with football questions.