Pyle of List

For years I have had a serious problem with what I refer to as the quiet sports. A quiet sport is one that tradition dictates—the heavier the pressure and tension, the quieter the crowd must become. The big three quiet sports are tennis, golf, and bowling.  However, when participating in one of the big three traditional sports, baseball, football, and basketball, the opposite is true. The tighter the situation, the more boisterous and raucous the crowd should be. Three seconds remaining in the Super Bowl as Adam Vinitari, of the New England Patriots, awaits the snap of the ball giving him a chance to win the game. The noise is deafening! Tiger Woods lines up his putt on the eighteenth green in Augusta to win the Masters, and the wide-eyed onlookers are terrified to breath for fear of the slightest sound reaching the ears of the golfing legend. It just makes no sense.

 Now, if I had my way, as Federer prepared to serve match point, the crowd would be standing, waving towels and screaming at the top of their lungs in an attempt to either encourage or distract Roger (occasionally even tossing a full cup of over-priced, warm beer on the court). Come on, that’s the primordial beauty of sports. With the inflated price of tickets today the fans should have a small role in the outcome. It is absolutely no fun to be quiet. Remember when you were a kid. It was a punishment when your mom demanded, “keep quiet.” Making noise was a blast.

I have asked many golf goofs, bowling bores, and tennis tarts over the years to explain the difference between a batter attempting to connect with a Roger Clemens fastball and Arnold Palmer’s chip shot on 16. I usually get the same droll answer—“it’s tradition.” Booooring! It was once tradition to stone people for practicing witchcraft.

While I’m on the subject of quiet sports, let me ask you a question. Is there anything more annoying and irritating than talking to a golfer if you don’t golf? I’ll answer for you. No!

I was at a small get together last year when I noticed an old friend talking to three other guys. I strolled over to say hello and chit- chat. We shook hands and he introduced me to his friends. One of the ivy-league looking gents asked if I golfed. I replied, “No, I don’t, I hate golf.” He scrunched up his face with a look you might expect from someone who was just informed that I was the person who had cheated his parents out of their entire retirement savings. For a moment I thought he was going to throw his double espresso in my face. My sarcastic response had reduced me to leper status in the group. Even my old friend slowly began wiping his hand on his pants, as if trying to clean off any lingering forensics from our handshake.

Maybe I’m being a little hard on the quiet sports and their minions. I just believe one of the undeniable beauty’s of sports is the fan reaction and interaction. So, if you agree with me, and can muster up the nerve, the next time you are in attendance at a golf, bowling, or tennis event, try this. As the tension mounts, and the crowd grows quieter, free yourself from the bonds of misguided tradition and stand up and cheer at the top of your lungs, and keep cheering and screaming until security drags you away.