Pyle of List

I’m new here at Pyle of List (long-time reader, first-time writer), so I thought I’d start by introducing myself.  My name is Jonathan, and my major areas of interest are film, comedy, and college football.  Since this year’s college football season is just around the corner, I’d like to share some of my predictions.

But not the standard old boring predictions.  No sir, you deserve better than that.  So each of the following predictions (divided by conference) contains something I actually think will happen and a completely ludicrous scenario.

(Note: Should the more far-fetched of the two things mentioned actually occur during the season, then that was my real prediction and you just read it wrong.)

1. Oregon has a very successful season after unveiling new uniforms at each game that look exactly like their opponents.

2. Oregon State running back Jacquizz Rodgers has the most rushing yards in the PAC-10, an accomplishment that mostly makes up for the fact that he still can’t ride most of the rides at Disneyland.

3. USC safety Taylor Mays solidifies his status as a deliverer of punishing hits and takes it to an entirely new level when he hacks into an opposing school’s database, prints out a wide receiver’s class schedule, and way-lays him on his way to an Earth Sciences class.

1. Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford battle week after week for the title of “Best QB in the Big 12.”  Tired of the weekly struggle, the pair team up to dominate the Nielsen ratings with their new buddy cop show “Bradford & McCoy.”

2. Kansas quarterback Todd Reesing gets into the “Best QB in the Big 12″ discussion after Coach Mark Mangino gives birth to a speedy, deep-threat receiver.

3. Texas Tech is unable to notch a victory against Texas when their plan of re-playing Michael Crabtree’s touchdown from the end of last year’s game on the stadium’s Jumbotron falls through due to Crabtree holding out for more money for video rights.

1. Virginia Tech goes undefeated in conference play after Coach Frank Beamer takes his famous “Beamer Ball” to the extreme, allowing his heavily coached special teams unit to play both offense and defense as well.

2. Miami falls short of the ACC Championship game but wins the inaugural “Bitching The Most About One Call For Seven Straight Years” award.

3. Clemson plays all of its scheduled games and does not tailspin into disaster.

1. Michigan falls one game shy of .500 when Rich Rodriguez is mistakenly called away to work on Quentin Tarantino’s latest film.

2. Joe Paterno leads the Nitanny Lions to an outright Big Ten championship after introducing the team to his newest inspiration, a good-hearted Asian-American boy who helped him fly his house to South America over the summer using thousands of balloons.

3. Notre Dame fans get mad at me for putting the team in the Big Ten section but stop caring after the Fighting Irish win the national championship game.

1. Tennessee shocks the world twice this season.  First when they defeat a previously unbeaten SEC team, and later when Coach Lane Kiffin apologizes for a comment said about another coach’s “momma” by publically insulting his own mother.

2. Tim Tebow wins a second Heisman Trophy, and during his acceptance speech thanks “the lord” numerous times before concluding with, “I do your bidding, Lord Sauron,” slipping on a non-championship ring, and disappearing.

3. Ole Miss makes it to the SEC Championship game but loses due to quarterback Jevan Sneed being declared ineligible when it is discovered that he is not an actual person but rather a character from an upcoming Coen Brothers film.

1. Syracuse becomes the team to beat…because everybody is beating them.  With tire irons.

2. West Virginia continues to fall well below expectations when it suffers an unexpected loss, sets a record for personal fouls, and loses it starting running back to a season-ending injury, all during a bye week.

3. No teams in the conference stay ranked for more than two weeks, yet somehow one still makes it into a BCS game and receives millions of dollars for it.