Pyle of List

/Begin communicae/

Hello humans. I am RoboPujols. Many appreciations for your naming of me to your game comprised solely of stars. As repayment for the favor, I will spare your lives for another of your Earth years.

Also, I will share with you all data I have gathered on targets filed under “NL All-Stars ‘09″.

2B - Chase Utley - Left-handed hitter from Philadelphia. Surprising power for make and model of human he is. Elimination strategy: Robobat to surgically repaired hip.

SS - Hanley Ramirez - RoboPujols mortal enemy.Can not compute why taken first in most fantasy drafts. Over RoboPujols! If only RoboPujols could cry…Elimination strategy: Alerting of immigration authorities of error in green card processing.

3B - David Wright - Does not compute. Is not same person as ‘c:/murderblog/NL All-Stars ‘09/ChaseUtley’? All inferior hitters look the same to RoboPujols. Elimination strategy: Transmogrify into architect, design stadium with unfriendly dimensions [strategy already in effect].

C- Yadier Molina - Teammate. Must not leave open bag of Doritos around him. Elimination strategy: Heart disease.

OF - Carlos Beltran - Once thought to be threat to RoboPujols. Now just another body in path of destruction. Elimination strategy: small incision at base of hamstring. Will never be able to come forward in swing. Will quite game.

OF - Raul Ibanez - Oldest of stars. Little data is known. First time worth noting. Elimination strategy: Start blog. Sow seeds of steroid use. Watch madness consume him.

OF - Ryan Braun - Good hitter. Hidden from world in Milwaukee. Possible alcoholic. Elimination strategy: Send anonymous gift of meat suit to club house. Watch subject ‘Fielder, Prince’ devour.

/End communicae/

Come back tomorrow to see another All-Star dissect his AL Teammates!