Pyle of List

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In about a month, after both the NHL and NBA finish up their playoffs, we will be down to two sports: baseball and waiting for football season. Sad selection, I know.

But we here at Pyle of List are not ones to sit back and cry foul without offering up any suggestions to make it better. Far from it! So we come to you this week to offer up some of our favorite summertime “sports” that can help get you to the kickoff of the Hall of Fame Game. I mean, what are your other options? Family? Church? Reading books?! Yeah, I didn’t think so. Enjoy!

Wiffle Ball -Oh boy, do I love me some wiffle ball. My dad got me hooked when I was a kid, and the addiction has yet to subside. I’m a fan of standard, ‘over the line’ rules, but if you insist on running bases, peg-ems are a must.

Pros: lightweight bat and ball allow all skill levels to join in.

Cons: That one guy that takes it too seriously.

Holiday World - This one is kind of hard to pull off, because it involves flying to Santa Claus, Indiana (maybe you could hitch a ride with Jay Cutler!) but it is definitely a good time. You know how Disneyland has Tomorrow Land and Frontier Land? Well Holiday World just has Christmas Land and Thanksgiving Land. Oh, did I mention that it’s also a water park? Because it is. And did I mention it has the #1 wooden rollercoaster in the world? Because it does. [editor’s note: This isn’t even close to a “sport”!] [author’s note: shut up!]

Pros: For only $40 you get coasters and water park but here is the kicker: free soda! There are soda fountains set up all over the park that you can just help yourself to.

Cons: All that free soda makes sure the people at the water park are not the most attractive in the world.

Drinking Games - Some so called experts will tell you that drinking large quantities while in extreme heat (like the summer) is a recipe for disaster. But what do those eggheads know anyways?! I’m a fan of taking the classic game “HORSE” and changing it to “PASSOUT”. What happens is, every time you miss a shot somebody else made, you have to take a shot of booze. Last man standing wins.

Pros: Drinking makes you cooler, smarter, and more attractive.

Cons: Possible death.

Gambling on Reality Television
Let’s be honest here, folks. A large part of football’s appeal is the fact it’s the perfect sport on which to gamble. Well, you can brush up on wagering skills because summer is the undisputed haven for reality television. Not to mention that if you’re married, you’re going to have to pay back months of sports obsession with time watching shows your significant other enjoys. Why not make it interesting with a friend in a similar position or even your spouse?

Pros: Potential to curry the favor of your spouse, $ (Straight cash homey!)

Cons: Actually watching and researching the shows, losing money

BBQ Eating Contests
In the summer it seems like every other week someone you know will have a BBQ. Normally, it’s a standard affair where people sit around, have awkward conversations and maybe take a dip the pool. Inevitably, people buy too much food and end up with leftovers that aren’t exactly high quality because they’ve been sitting outside for hours. Wouldn’t challenging everyone to an eating contest spice things up?

Pros: Pride, glory and not needing to have dinner

Cons: Stomach aches, indigestion and embarrassment

Neighborhood pool

You pay your homeowner association dues, so why not grab a buddy and head down to the neighborhood pool and enjoy.  There’s a myriad of things you can do there.  Breath holding contest, cannon ball contest and guess the age of the girl laying out. (Note: don’t act upon your guess, you will almost certainly be dealing with jail bait)

Pros: Cheap entertainment that is almost always available

Cons: RWI’s


The Spelling Bee
Ah yes, the summer classic.  Obsessed nerds who memorize a Webster’s.  I caught about 15 minutes of this the other day and the best part was Erin Andrews.

Pros: The girls… We all know nerdy girls are closet freaks.  Allseaux, u uhlemoneight da kneed four spale czech.

Cons: I lied about the girls… there’s no chance you’ll ever get any.

Babysitting

The kids are out of school for the summer and someone has to watch the kiddies while mommy and daddy are at the movies.  This sport is mostly for teenage girls who want to earn an extra buck or two and have a good spot to meet her boyfriend for “hookin up”after she puts the kids to bed.

Pros: The cardio… Chasing around a few rugrats can help you burn off some fluff.

Cons: You get a serious urge to slap small children.

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Slip’n'Slide

It was a blast when you were a kid, right?  And when you are walking down the street on a hot day and you see the neighborhood kids slip’n’sliding, don’t you want to shove them out of the way and get in on it too?

Pros: Cool off on a hot day.  Act like a kid again.

Cons: Lawn rash. Rocks hidden under the slide can lead to debilitating injuries.

Try Not to Sweat Through the Couch on a Hot Day

Those of you that have AC are unable to participate in this summer ritual.   The rest of you (and those too cheap to run the AC) know what I’m talking about.  You wake up in the morning knowing it’s going to be one of those days.  The kind where it’s already hot in the house by 10am.  By noon you’re stripped down to your skivvies with an ice cold adult beverage and the only fan you own blowing right in your face.  By the time 3pm rolls around, you’ve watched three movies on cable and there is a silhouetted sweat stain on the couch.

Pros: You get to watch Tommy Boy or Die Hard with a Vengeance for the umpteenth time.  Adult beverages.

Cons: Your couch smells like a jock strap.

Slo-pitch Softball

There’s co-ed and there’s men’s leagues.  There’s always a handful of guys that take themselves way too seriously.  There’s always someone on your team who sucks.  Really sucks.  But you play because it’s something to do and you usually can drink.

Pros: Convince yourself you’re working out.  Drinking and camaraderie.  

Cons: This guy.