Pyle of List

In the interest of disclosure, you should know I’m a huge Clippers fan. Probably the Clips biggest fan east of Death Valley. To which most people say derisively, “Ha, ha, more like ONLY Clippers fan!” as they look to high-five someone in the vicinity after their ever-so-creative quip. But mocking a Clippers fan isn’t exactly sporting. Frankly, it’s as one-sided as anything that’s ever occured in history. In fact, we should just replace the phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” with “mocking a Clippers fan”.

With all that said, nobody was more excited than me when my team snared the #1 pick in the NBA Draft. I even did a little fist pump at the bar where I saw the Lottery shake out. Then, as is customary for a fan in an abusive sports relationship, reality slowly sank in. Sterling, Dunleavy and the rest of “The Gang that Couldn’t Aim Straight, Much Less Shoot” would find a way to waste this golden opportunity. Luckily for everyone outside of the Clipper faithful, they always manage to fail spectacularly. So, how will the screw this one up? Here are the likely choices:

Draft Steven Strasburg
Dunleavy has heard that he’s easily the best prospect, so who cares if he plays baseball. He thinks his pitching skills will translate well to the Point Guard position. The Clips have shown with Michael Olowokandi that past basketball experience doesn’t matter much, so why the hell not? Speaking of the Kandi man…

Re-Draft Michael Olowokandi
How can you pass on a 7-footer… ESPECIALLY if he already has NBA experience? Donald Sterling firmly believes that the common wisdom should be changed to “second time’s the charm”.

Try Drafting Baron Davis
The good news is that when they find out he’s already on the roster, they’ll high five each other.

Trade it for washed up veterans
Kwame Brown is available. Or this could be the opportunity to bring back Quentin Richardson and Darius Miles. Pound those headbands with your fists boys!

Sell it and invest the money in General Motors
You gotta buy low! Just like us, they’re going to turn it around this year too.

Let the time expire on the clock without picking
I can imagine a scenario where they’re so busy patting each other on the back, they don’t actually make a pick. They’ve got a high class food spread, champagne flowing liberally and Costco party favors. In a downbeat moment in the conversation someone finally asks “Did anyone actually MAKE the pick?”

Trade the pick to the Kings for expiring contract and cowbells
The Kings have Kenny Thomas’ expiring contract to play with.  They also have lots of cowbells.  People in LA love cowbells, right?  Besides, that picked belonged to the Kings anyway! Please!!!  WE NEED IT!!!  Editor’s note: A rogue Kings fan just hijacked the blog for a moment.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

Draft Brandon Jennings

He has just the right amount of potential for being a crazy prima donna.  That pretty much makes it a lock for a Clippers pick, don’t you think?

Draft a Newborn
You guessed it.  They’re building for the future (extremely) and they have a Clippers onesie ready to go for Candace Parker and Shelden Williams’ newborn. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl but it probably doesn’t matter.

Treat the pick like cellphone minutes
Someone told the Clipper front office that this was a weak draft so they’re going to be smart.  They’ll try to convince Stern to not make them pick so they can roll the pick over to next year’s draft.  Stern told them that he’s okay with it just so they can embarrass themselves on draft night when the clock expires.

Draft Matt Stafford

As it turns out Clippers ownership has done all their research.  Last month ESPN was all abuzz about how Matt Stafford was a lock #1 pick.  No need to look any futher…Matt Stafford it is.

Draft Taylor Griffin

Oops! Wrong brother.