Pyle of List

Did you realize the NBA playoffs start this weekend? It’s the only postseason that sneaks up on you so consistently (of course, hockey doesn’t count). One day you’re watching spoiled millionaires joylessly go through the motions, passing time until they can hit the strip club and the next the same guys are giving a maximum effort and playing through injuries.

We here at Pyle of List haven’t watched much NBA basketball this year, so we decided to put together a preview everyone can understand: HOT CHICKS.

1 Cleveland Cavaliers vs 8 Detroit Pistons
Representing Cleveland: Halle Berry

For Detroit: Kristen Bell

JP: These women are actually polar opposites of the teams they respresent. Cleveland is young, hungry and haven’t yet hit their primes (like Kristen Bell). This may be Detroit’s last dance as an aging contender (Halle Berry). Either way, there is very little doubt Cleveland is winning this series even though it’ll be much closer than you think. Halle is still hotter than Bell, but not by much.

DLamp: I’m going to be honest, I was never that into Halle Berry. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy her work in Swordfish or Monster’s Ball, but she’s always been a bit overrated to me. So I’m taking Bell.

2 Boston Celtics vs 7 Chicago Bulls

For Boston: Connie Britton

For Chicago: Kiele Sanchez

JP: I’m possibly Connie Britton’s biggest fan. She’s hands down the hottest TV Mom EVER, and even stands out among her younger castmates. But the youth of the Bulls and Kiele Sanchez will prevail in an upset.

DLamp: Something weirds me out about Keile’s stomach. And if I’m going to pick an upset, I need to be sure about it. Besides, no way she holds up over time the same way Connie has. I still have no idea how Coach Taylor is hitting so far above his station. Is high school football really so cool in Texas that a guy like him can come home to a woman like her every night? If so, I’m in the wrong line of work (and state).

3 Orlando Magic vs 6 Philadelphia 76ers

Orlando: Valery Ortiz

Philly: Kelly Monaco

JP: A really tough first round matchup. Orlando is good but not quite great and Philly is downright fiesty, but I think Dwight Howard will be too much. And when in doubt, go with the brown girl.

DLamp: Valery looks like she can get crazy on you in a heartbeat. As much as that can translate to good times (crazy in the head=crazy in the bed) I can’t pass up a beauty like Kelly Monaco. It also doesn’t hurt that she is clearly trying to show me her honey pot in that picture. Oh bother indeed…

4 Atlanta Hawks vs Miami Heat

Atlanta: Justene Jaro

Miami: Eva Mendes

JP: To be fair, both Miami and Atlanta have a ridiculous amount of attractive women. These two just happened to be my favorite and it’s a dead even draw. Eva Mendes (and the Heat’s Dwayne Wade) will take this one on star power.

DLamp: You see that thong and those hoop earings? That’s a telltale sign that this girl will let you do anything and everything to her. Kind of like the Hawks. HIYO!…okay, so I don’t really know what that means, but it seemed good at the time. Mendes is a little too prissy for me.