Pyle of List

Take a deep breath, America, and try not to cry. Your boy, your pride and joy has come home. That’s right: Baseball is back!

Hey, someone wake that guy in the second row up!

Listen, I understand if you’re not as giddy as I am about the season getting underway. I get it: the long games, the longer season, the Red Sox. There are definitely some things to hate about baseball. But, at the end of the day, it’s baseball and I’m as jacked as can be!

The defending world champs kicked things off last night by getting their teeth kicked in by the Braves. Here are just some quick thoughts on that game:

• When Derek Lowe dresses like Greg Maddux, he gets calls like Greg Maddux. I swear there were some called strikes that were ridiculous last night.
• Where is that vaunted Philly offense? Howard killed during spring training but last night him, Utley, and Jimmy Rollins all came up empty handed (1 for 11 with a BB).
• Hearing Joe Morgan announce the game made me realize how much I’m really going to miss FJM this season.

Now let’s take a look at all the games that are on tap today.
10:10 Mets @ Cincinnati - The Mets should start spelling their name with a ‘z’. The Metz. That way people will know they’re extreme. My prediction: Big things for Daniel Murphy. That’s why he’s starting on both my fantasy teams.

11:05 Cleveland @ Texas -  Over/under on runs scored: 10.The money is out there people, you just have to take it! My prediction: Pain! And runs!

12:40 Colorado @ Arizona - Remember two years ago when the Rockies were in the World Series? I hope so, because that’s not happening any time soon. Now, Arizona in the Series? I’ll listen to that pitch. My prediction: More Webb than a Spiderman movie. Take that, Rick Reilly!

1:05 Yankees @ Baltimore - CC Sabathia gets his first Yankees start out of the way without the New York crowd breathing down his neck rolls. My prediction: Hideki Matsui is still Asian. Hey, sometimes I like to play it safe with my picks.

1:10 Washington @ Florida - News flash: Nationals suck! My prediction: Marlins show off some muscle against…John Lannan?! That is your opening day starter? Ugh, that is so Nationals of you…

1:15 Pittsburgh @ St. Louis - People are labeling the Cards as sleepers this year. You know who I bet sleeps a lot? Tony LaRusa. Dude just looks like he enjoys a nap every now and then. My prediction: Dick Ankiel regrets the name change immedietly.

4:05 Cubs @ Houston - Pinella and Milton Bradley in the same clubhouse? Oh yeah, this ends well… My prediction: Fukudome starts hot but cools off by the end of the year.

4:05 Doyers @ San Diego - GO DOYERS! My prediction: Kershaw wins this game with a steely glare from the bullpen.

4:15 Detroit @ Toronto - You know what, Canada, you can just have the Tigers. And while you’re there, just take the rest of Detroit with you. Thanks. My prediction: The Tigers make good on all those people who picked them to dominate last season.

5:10 Seattle @ Minnesota - Two great young pitchers in this game, should be very fun to watch. My predictions: King Felix leads the Mariners to victory.

6:05 Oakland @ Angels - My family got into a giant argument while divying up our Angels season tickets. My point to try and calm them down: who cares? The Angels suck anyways. GO DOYERS! My prediction: Everyone soon learns that Joe Saunders’ record last year was a bit of a fluke.

Alright, so just sit back and enjoy the games today. Or, if you’re at work all day like me, keep Yahoo!’s game channel opened and minimized all day behind your spreadsheets.