Pyle of List

With the big game approaching this weekend I’m willing to bet you’ve got plans. (I don’t though…so if you don’t mind me tagging along….)  And unless your a 30 something business man with corporate connections out the ying-yang (ouch), your probably not headed to Raymond James Stadium.  So chances are your hosting or attending a Super Bowl (ed. note: to comply with NFL trademark issues we have to refrain from using the phrase “Super Bowl”, however the phrase “Roger Goodell is a tool” is perfectly acceptable) party.

Charlie didn’t need to be told he wouldn’t be invited back to his bosses house when he showed up for the game…but they let him know anyway.

We’ve put together a list of things that are required for a “Roger Goodell is a tool” Party.  If your the host this weekend, you’d better take heed and follow the checklist lest you be embarrassed in front of the guys.  If you are attending and these requirements are not met, leave…your host will understand when you e-mail the reason for your swift exit Monday afternoon.

Booze

Any good party needs an ample supply of booze, so why should a football party be any different? You need to have ample quantities and various selections for your guests. Everything from cheap beer, to nice whiskey, to strange things like Absynthe or Goldschlager. But no wine, unless one of your friends is Brady Quinn.

DVR

Missed a big play? Think Madden said something ridiculously Madden-esque? Experience another Janet Jackson moment? Want to skip to commercials in the event of a blow out? Well, if you don’t have a DVR, you’re screwed. You and your friends will need to wait patiently for post-game highlights to see big plays. And of course, you’ll hit the trusty interwebs for any gaffes. But having two dozen people gathered around a laptop isn’t comfortable nor is it enjoyable. Just stick with the amazing power of the DVR.

HDTV

This is a must.  Any respectable “big TV event” host nowadays needs to have Hi-def TV.  Hosts should have to go through some sort of certification process in order to be eligible to host parties.  First on the check-off list would be “Do you have a giant hi-def television?”  Without hi-def, you would be diminishing great moments like this.

Football themed paper plates

Look, you and I both know their not necessary.  Regular paper plates are 5 times cheaper…and if you want to be know as the cheap guy who won’t go get decent plates with football graphics on them…go ahead…cheap bastard.

A separate room for talkers not interested in the game (read - women)

It’s Sunday, so your off work and the girlfriend is going to give you the whole “spending time together” crap.  That’s fine and all but you know she isn’t going to care about the game and she won’t be the only guilt tripping woman coming either so set up a spot in another room for them to cluck to their hearts content while the game is on.

Impromptu betting opportunities

There are few combinations better than gambling and football, especially on such a big game that we’ve had to wait 2 weeks for. Since everyone starts their Super Bowl Parties early, you also suffer through an additional delay in football once you arrive. If you want a great outlet for your nervous energy AND to become the life of the party, just throw out a few bets or start a pool before kickoff. From prop bets to straight up wagers, you cannot lose. Unless of course, you lose.

Meat

Lots of it.  Ribs, wings, chili, brats, more wings.  I heard on NPR this morning that there was a wing shortage around the country because of the big game this weekend.  If you’re the host of a football viewing party on Sunday, I hope you’ve already invested in wings because they might just be hard to come by.  Be sure to have blood thinning aspirin around for everyone to munch on, just to be safe.  Maybe a defibrillator too…

Half-time entertainment (especially with no Lingerie Bowl again this year)

Last year for me it was darts and NBA Jam on the SNES. The year before that it was a little two hand touch in the street. Two years ago was drunken tackle football. I got punched in the throat and didn’t even care! Make sure you’ve got something planned (let’s face it, if you don’t have Guitar Hero yet, you don’t deserve to be here. And by ‘here’ I mean on Earth, still alive.) for the lull in action.

Chips and Dips

Everyone has their specif food likes and dislikes. Some guys are wings guys, other burgers and dogs. But everyone can agree on one thing: chips and dip are a must. All combos are applicable: salsa, guac, onion dip, nacho cheese, seven layer, bean dip, Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos, Lays, Ruffles, tortilla chips. It’s all good as long as you have that salty snack for people to much on throughout the day, because they will be munching constantly.

Babysitter

There are few things as loathsome as someone’s bratty kid running around the room screaming or driving his remote controlled Christmas present into your ankles while you’re trying to enjoy the latest Bud Light commercial.  All parents are required to hire a babysitter.  That’s all there is to it.  All attendees must be old enough that no one has to worry about the “earmuffs” rule.