Thursday, November 13th, 2008...2:47 pm
“Grow up, 007″: The MI6 of the sports world
I’m an avid James Bond fan. So much so that I own 8 of Ian Fleming’s 13 original James Bond novels (sorry books, stories written down and bound together, a precursor to movies) in hardback. Needless to say, the release of “Quantum of Solace” tomorrow has put me back in the “shaken, not stirred” frame of mind.
The easy way for me to tie that into sports is to compare our favorite sports figures to Bond villains. But it occurs to me that that’s probably been done. But what about the good guys of our super spy stories? Let’s face it the villains, the gadgets, the women all change every movie. But our hero and his team only change every 10 years or so. So who’s Bond’s team when it comes to the sports world.
A-Rod as Miss Moneypenny
Moneypenny is the text book example of a tease. She always makes us think that she’s ready to get with Bond, but doesn’t ever seal the deal. Kinda reminds me of another tease, A-Rod. This guy is the savior of baseball. He’s the one who’s going to break all the records and is widely considered the greatest player in the game…maybe ever. And all that translates into how many championships? On top of the inability to see some post season success is the way his teams fans feel about him. In Seattle he never felt as heroic as Griffey and couldn’t wait to get out of the Pacific Northwest…I don’t blame him, either. But as he grabbed the brass ring in Tom Hicks nose and twisted to get that ridiculous contract to play for the Texas Rangers he didn’t find the kind of welcome he was looking for. I grew up in the Dallas area and I’ve always been a reluctant Rangers fan. But I can tell you that the day he was traded away to the Yankees was a day of celebration. And the New York area seems to put up with A-Rod for now, but unless he starts spurning that team on to some rings, he’ll never be a true Yankee. And much like Moneypenny he’ll always be in the movie, but never past the first 20 minutes.
Chad Knaus as Q
The Quartermaster at MI6 has taught us the key to success over the past 30 years. A car with more than meets the eye abilities. Whether it’s Stinger mistles in the headlights or the good ole fashion passenger ejector seat, Q packed more into a vehicle for our heros benefit than any other person till now. Q might have met his match in Chad Knaus. The crew chief for Jimmie Johnson’s #48 chevy in NASCAR’s Sprint Cup has been suspended and fined numerous times in the past for trying to give his driver an edge. The #48 has still won 2 championships in a row and will most likely secure another one this weekend as James Bond shows us more for the Quartermaster’s stash. What are the chances that Knaus has figured out more than the officials at NASCAR ever dreamed of?
Robert Kraft as M
Man or woman the head cheese at MI6 has always been the same kind of person. Willing to do whatever it takes but entirely unwilling to do the dirty work. M gives Bond the mission and it’s done. Success is always achieved but rarely by means that are entirely on the level. As long as M can enjoy the spoils of victory, there’s little thought of what Bond had to do to make things turn the way of Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Can anyone say, Robert Kraft? Kraft has enjoyed 3 championships in recent history. And while more and more information come out about what Bill Belichick has done to make those championships happen. Kraft sits in his box and enjoys his organization’s success. And with his fashion since lately he’s been more like a Judi Dench M than any of the previous incarnations.
Tony Romo as James Bond (Pierce Brosnan)
It took Pierce Brosnan waiting in the wings for 8 years as Timothy Dalton sucked all the fun out of the James Bond character before he stepped in and saved it all, seemingly. But after 4 movies and a new incaration of 007, I can’t help but look back at Brosnan’s Bond as a slick, flashy version with little to no substance. Kind of like Tony Romo. Romo stood in the wings as the Cowboys floundered terribly and then stepped into the limelight. And while he’s put up great numbers and gotten his face on all the tabloids he continues to provide no substance to the franchise. Playoff wins, championships, maybe just some noticable leadership would at least give me some hope that he’s not all that James Bond became in the 90’s.
Brett Favre as James Bond (Roger Moore)
Roger Moore’s James Bond became a 56 year old agent saving a circus from a nuclear explosion dressed as a clown in “Octopussy”. And despite how embarrassing that should have been he returned 2 years later for “A View to a Kill.” At 58, about 6 years and 3 movies too late Moore finally gave up the Walther PPK. But, alas, he now holds a record of playing James Bond in more movies than any other actor, a record that’s liable to stay intact for a long time. But it’s nothing we should attribute to his ability to play the role, but his inability to move on after it was obvious he was just too old. Does that remind anyone else of Brett Favre…or is it just me?
8 Comments
November 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I got to be honest with you Phil, I despise the “A-Rod can’t win the big one” talk. You know who else hasn’t won a World Series since A-Rod came to town? Jeter, Pettite, Mussina, Rivera, Bernie Williams, Jason Giambi, Robinson Cano, Posada, Damon, Carl Pavano, Randy Johnson, Melky Cabrera…the list goes on and on.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
DLamp,
The thing is a good majority of the guys you just mentioned have won some WS titles while A-rod…the greatest player to pick up a bat…has none.
A-rod has a regular season batting average of .306 with a robust .578 slugging percentage, but that drops to .279/.483 career post-season. With the Yankees it all the way down to .157 and .249 in the post-season.
On top of that, Seattle was a respectable 91-71 in 2000. A-Rod got Tom Hicks on his jock in that off-season and moved over to the Rangers and the M’s jumped to that record 116-46. Likewise the Rangers finished in last place every one of the 3 season he played there. In 2004, after he was traded to New York, Texas won 15 more games than they did with A-rod finishing over .500 and in 3rd place in the division, not last.
I normally hate drudging up stats but the numbers seem to prove that not only is Alex has trouble in the post season but that his teams have faired better without him. That’s why I have this particular opinion.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:35 am
The reason the Yankees haven’t won the World Series with A-rod is bad pitching all the time and bad hitting during the playoffs (from everyone, even the “clutch” Jeter). The Rangers finished last place with A-rod because their pitching was atrocious, the worst in the AL. How is it A-rod’s fault for losing when his teams can’t field major league-quality pitching staffs? He has done his job, which is hit and hit really, really well. Remember, the Yanks wouldn’t have even made the playoffs in ‘07 if he hadn’t done his best Babe Ruth impression. Sure, he’s a prima donna, but in baseball, you can NEVER blame a team’s woes on just one player. Everyone needs to contribute for wins to come.
November 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Here’s the thing with A-Rod -
If you’re the highest paid player in a sport, you’re paid to perform - and that includes in the post-season. A-Rod has not done it, and when you have a career .306 hitter/slugger that virtually disappears in the post-season, it has a domino effect on the rest of the team. No one is afraid to pitch to A-Rod in the playoffs. That shouldn’t be the case with the so called best player in baseball.
As a player he’s all smoke and no fire.
More often than not, he hasn’t carried teams, even when the pitching was good enough. He’s not a pressure performer, and the best are - they thrive under it. He wilts.
Hank likes to talk about the injuries the Yankees sustained as an excuse as to why NY didn’t make the playoffs, but the Sox were in the same boat and came within a game of the WS (and before you try arguing that they weren’t - the Sox lost all of the following for chunks of the season: Josh Beckett, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Tim Wakefield Mike Lowell, JD Drew, Julio Lugo, and David Ortiz - that doesn’t even count dealing with a pouting Manny. So, three of their four top starting pitchers missed at least two starts, or spent time on the DL, Ortiz missed 1/3 of the season, Drew 1/4, Lugo the final month, and when they were in the lineup, neither Lowell, nor Ortiz were healthy).
Yes, everyone needs to contribute for wins, but when one is paid more than everybody else, he’s expected to be a leader, not the guy who disappears.
November 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
You mention that teams get better as soon as ARod leaves them and there’s a perfectly good explanation for that. If you are a mid-market team and 1/4 to 1/3 of your payroll is devoted to one man on your 25-man roster and then you are able to trade that player, that’s a lot of money you are able to use to make the rest of your team better the next year, whether it’s retaining guys or good free agent pick-ups. So in a way, its unfair to say that the team is better without ARod, it’s more fair to say it’s better without having to pay ARod’s $25M salary. Blame guys like Scott Boras for the game turning into a spending spree in which the overpaid stars actually hurt teams more than they help them because of the financial strain. That was why it was inevitable that he had to end up on the Yankees, and eventually the law of averages will play out and regrettably, the Yankees will win another World Series in the next 5 years when they are able to combine their young talent with that of ARod.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Ron - that theory would work if not for one thing - Seattle. He was still operating, in essence, on a rookie contract there. He wasn’t even close to the highest paid player on the team until he moved to Texas, yet Seattle improved drastically after he left.
What else is interesting to note is that the Yankees average number of wins per season actually dropped (from the three year average immediately preceding )when A-Rod joined the club. From an analysis I did a year ago (I have edited to include more recent information) -
“Once each of his previous teams, the Mariners and the Rangers, rid themselves of A-Rod, those teams averaged somewhere around eight more wins per season for the first three seasons after Rodriguez’s departure. The Yankees averaged 95.5 wins per season with A-Rod in their line-up (with decreasing numbers the last three - 97, 95, 89). The three seasons prior to his arrival? 99.67. Sure, a drop-off of four games per year isn’t huge, but it’s still a drop off and when combined with the following fact, it’s a serious indictment of what his impact on a team really is - for the three seasons he played for the Rangers, Texas won 73, 72, and 71 games respectively (the Yankees won 101 his first season with the team, a total down to 89 this season), but for the first three seasons after A-Rod left the confines of Arlington, the Rangers 89, 79, and 80 games respectively - an average improvement of eight games per year.”
These things happen once, it’s a coincidence. It happens with every team, and the one common factor being A-Rod, well, then it’s no longer a coincidence.
Yes, there have been other factors at work - but the Yankees should have had a murderers row sort of line-up with him in the middle of it the last couple of years, and while he has put up good numbers, even Yankee fans have begun to notice that he tends to hit his dingers when in a low pressure vacuum.
At this point, I’m not convinced he’ll ever get a Series ring, unless he earns it on the back of someone who actually hits when it counts.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Don’t forget, Robert Kraft has actually met Vladimir Putin. Ever think that Super Bowl ring Kraft “gave” Putin might have been a secret tracking device, or downloading the Russian launch codes, or maybe an attempt to assassinate Putin w/ some rare radioactive isotope?
Maybe Kraft knows more about spycraft than he lets on.
November 17th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
BTW - If Belichick’s actions make Kraft M, who do Shanahan’s actions from the Broncos’ Super Bowl runs make him and the owner of the Broncos? I mean, the dude was caught taping a Chargers practice.
From Jason Cole - “The San Diego Chargers increased their security several years ago at a hill overlooking the practice field at the team facility during weeks when they played the Denver Broncos. Why? It turns out Broncos coach Mike Shanahan had been hiring spies to videotape the Chargers practices. The NFL had been aware of it for several years (at least one NFL official had seen one of the tapes), but didn’t step in because it was considered a team issue.” That doesn’t even address the fact the team was over the salary cap by around 60 percent in both those years. As a matter of fact, the reports that the Patriots received a record fine for their actions were indeed in error, as the Denver violation was deemed much more serious under a much less strict commissioner - 1996-1998 Denver Broncos, found to be in violation of multiple salary cap issues, were fined $950,000.00 and a third round draft pick in the third round of the 2005 draft by the less strict Paul Tagliabue. During that same time period, Broncos coach Mike Shanahan was caught doing his best impression of a Hollywood producer.
Of course, under Tagliabue, taping wasn’t considered a major offense. From Jimmy Johnson’s WFAN interview last September - “I did it with video and so did a lot of other teams in the league,” Johnson said on September 28. “Just to make sure that you could study it and take your time, because you’re going to play the other team the second time around. But a lot of coaches did it, this was commonplace.”
And before anyone jumps all over me about this, first; I will admit to being a Pats fan, second; I was not happy about Spygate, and would rather that they had not done it in the first place - but for anyone to believe that there isn’t a sports owner/billionaire out there who won’t do whatever it takes to win, including hiring people who are of that same mindset, I want to meet you, because, boy, do I have a pyramid scheme to run by you.
I don’t like the cheating that’s in pro sports, but I expect it.
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