Pyle of List

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If you’re like us, and not entertained by the Jared Washburn/Yankee trade talks, then this time of the year sucks for you. No football, no basketball, no baseball that matters, no nothing! But we here at Pyle of List do more than just sit in our parents’ basements and write about sports. Why, there is a whole myriad of activities that we do in our basements! So we decided to give you a list of some of our favorites. Maybe we have one you didn’t think of that will make these doldrums go by just a little bit quicker. Enjoy!

The Anderson Family Vacation ended in tragedy when Mrs. Anderson couldn’t see the cliff in front of her.

Spend Time With The Family

We love ‘em. Even if they drive us crazy. But lets face it, our football teams aren’t going to play so we might as well spend time with the other group of people that we’re attached to for all eternity. Whether it’s wife and kids or mom and dad they deserve their fair share of our attention. And as it turns out we have a big empty space from the mid-June to early September. So head out to the pool with the wife and kids. Or head over to mom and dad’s, after all they’ll probably feed you. Heck take some laundry with you, mom needs something to do. Just remember to warn them all that September to February you will not be available. Period.

“Lightning Bolt!”

Try To Maintain Interest In Your Failing Fantasy Baseball Team

This isn’t just the dog days of summer for real baseball. Fantasy baseball doesn’t have the same excitement as fantasy football, and it tends to suck right about now. Well, it sucks for most people that aren’t one of the top teams in their league. My advice to you losers is to shake it up a bit. Make some trades. Change your team name to mock the league leader, like “Hal’s a Crotch-Sniffer” or something similarly mature. Take pleasure in knocking one of the fringe teams out of the playoffs (if you play in a head to head league). Don’t give up losers! There’s plenty of time to make everyone in your fantasy league as miserable as you are.

He-man Vol. 3 on shelves Aug. 5th. Guess who’s already got his copy reserved…yep, I’m a loser.

Expand the DVD Library

I’ve gotta admit, the DVD purchases this time of year at my place are out of control. With all the TV shows popping up on DVD (seriously, you can get the first 2 seasons of Saved by the Bell for 20 bucks at the Wal-mart) and great old movies in the five dollar bin (latest purchases: Space Balls and Terminator 2) there are plenty of great items calling out from the shelves in that electronics section. And since the networks have picked this time of year for reruns your TV’s got nothing better to do anyway…it’s either the DVD collection or…

Warning: May cause sweating and delusions of actual musical talent

Rock. Band.

Family? Screw them! The only thing that even comes close to the awesome escapism that is sports is the awesome escapism that is video games. And if you’re not going to pretend to be an athlete, why not hit the next best thing: pretend to be a Rock Star! I mean, these are the two coolest professions both in the game of Life and the real thing. If you haven’t played Rock Band or think it is lame or something, then you might as well stop reading and go play some foot-bag and jump your hemp rope because you’re a no good hippie! This game is amazing, is multi-player so you can still hang with your friends, and even lends itself to footballs favorite bedfellow: drinking. You may be able to school “Say It Ain’t So” on Expert now, but try again after a few more shots and see if you’re so tough then!

Still less painful than watching the Dolphins

Real Life Outdoor Activities

While I’m not an avid hiker, it’d be a good idea to get at least a few weeks of sun before you retreat to the man cave, also known as your living room, for two Seasons of pigskin. And I mean the four actual weather-related seasons, not sports seasons or Frankie Valle’s band. Honestly, by staying inside for Fall and Winter you aren’t missing much. But, summer is pretty fantastic. You can wear a mesh jersey, or even take your shirt off altogether, most places without people giving you hassle. Plus, the sun has some solid health benefits, blah blah blah science. So, get a game of bocce ball going or play a round of golf before your sports-induced hibernation.

“Oh man, you gotta check out this video…”

YouTube-’in

There is no better time waster than YouTube. It was invented by God for people with slow jobs (or the propensity to slack) and computer access. Since I know you love the Tube as much as I do, I don’t need to drone on about its awesomeness… or Rick Roll you. Instead, I’ll share with you some all-time personal favorites (Yeah, I know you’ve already seen them because you’re so cutting edge):

Best audition tape ever.
Buffalax has a posse. His best work here and here.
My friend Batting Stance Guy.
Friday the 13th fan films are fantastic.

So many STDs, so little time

“F*ck, Marry, Kill”

If you’re not familiar with this game, then let me explain: You and some friends sit around and list three people (for example: Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton is a standard) and then discuss amongst yourselves (read: argue) about which of the three you would f*ck, which you would marry, and which you would kill. First guy to says “I’d kill all of them!” is lame and has to make all subsequent drink runs for the night. It leads to some really interesting dialogue:

Guy 1: I think you eff Lindsay, marry Britney, and kill Paris.

Guy 2: Marry Britney? Are you kidding me? You gotta marry Paris for the money!

Guy 3: Nooooo, she got written out of the will I think, so she’s getting nothing in inheritance so you’re gonna have to survive off her earning potential.

Guy 2: Really? Nevermind then.

Guy 1: But we all agree on effing Lindsay, right?

Guy 2: Oh yeah.

Guy 3: Totally!

Guy 1: Okay, cool. Now let’s do: William Dafoe, Tommy Lee Jones, and Prune Face from Dick Tracy.

I bet this guy can bend the sh*t out of those rods!

Exercise And Eat Right So You Can Indulge Yourself Through Bowl Season

Overindulgent behavior is what we American’s do best. Just look at the banking/housing crisis that was caused by people trying to get more than they deserved. You can also point to our marriage to giant gas slurping SUVs and “performance sedans” as an example of our opulence. But the most personal, and telling trait of our decadent ways is our waistlines. We’re getting pretty tubby, America. So it might not be a bad idea to eat a salad with dressing on the side and go for a jog on a regular basis until the season starts. I know you won’t be able to say no to the buffalo wings, ribs, potato skins, and beer once the season starts. Might as well try to get healthy ahead of time so you don’t blow a coronary in the middle of the Rose Bowl.

Yes, that is actually me.

Rec League Softball

I know this could also be covered in ‘Actual Outdoor Activities’ but I felt it needed it’s own spot on the list. I make no bones about it, I am addicted to softball [editor’s note: “bones”!”ball”! Ha!]. I am currently playing in 4 leagues so that is more than half of the week that I am trying to hit a ball that another man is underhanding to me. To be fair, I think I’m pretty good. But that doesn’t even matter. At this point it’s not even about winning for me, it’s about getting away. For that hour and five minute time limit that I am out on the field, nothing else matters. No job, no girlfriend, no family, no problem! It just all drifts away as I shout out relays to my outfielders. That, and there is always beer and pizza after the game.

Pictured: Homos

Pretending To Love The Olympics

The Olympics are OK. But let’s be honest with ourselves here, they can’t hold a candle to sports good enough to be around every year. The Olympics are just like a DVD 10-Pack: a bunch of things you don’t normally care about and one or two things you do enjoy that are altered so you like them less, thrown into a big, overhyped package. The only reason you buy it is that its so available. “$25 for 10 movies… that’s a steal” you say to yourself, but you always wind up disappointed. Trust me, there are only a few moments in the Olympics worth watching and they all happen in the Finals. So conserve your energy, watch the Finals of the few big-ticket events in primetime and be done with it. Don’t have a summer fling. Football will be jealous. And you know how football gets when its jealous.

Hulu.com: The worse thing to hit productivity since fantasy sports.

Hulu.com

If this site hasn’t been blocked at your office yet, get in while the gettins’ good. Hulu.com is amazing. It has TV shows and movies and sports highlights. They’re all at your finger tips just waiting to distract you from the real work at hand. Heck, I’m watching ALF right now. The quality is way better than YouTube. There are occasional commercials, but it’s well worth it. You can embed them too. Here, check out this webisode from The Office…