Pyle of List

Ok, alright, I get it.  These two don’t like each other.  I get it.  I understand.  Frankly, I don’t care much for either of them myself, but time to move on. 

This week TMZ.com has posted video of the Big Diesel freestyle rapping about the former teammate, Kobe Bryant.  Kobe will no doubt come back with some sort of rant taped at the local coffee shop on a cell phone and on and on we will go…unless someone stops the madness.  Dr. Marvin Monroe is not available since he’s a dead cartoon character and Shaq and Kobe charge appearance fees so Dr. Phil’s not interested, I guess I’ll step in and do my best to help here.

Two of my favorite fictional mental health professionals.

Kobe

What we have here is the definition of an inferiority complex.  You can’t help but feel that Shaquelle is a better basketball player simply because of his size and media attention.  There is probably some latent aggression from the swirlies Shaq subjected you to, as well.  Let me put your mind at ease.  You are the better basketball player.  Just tune in to ESPN and you will begin to understand that the NBA would, in fact, fade out of existence without the seemingly never-ending arguments; Are you better that LeBron?, Should you be the reigning MVP?, Are you the next MJ?, Are you better than MJ?, Where did you disappear to in the NBA Finals? 

I understand that you feel slighted by the Big Man’s ability to stand underneath the rim and collect 20 points and 10 assists every night but believe me…it’s not because he’s better but because he’s unable to make any shot more than 15 feet away from the basket.  And you should know that better than most.  Just settle in and realize, his career is coming to an end soon while you have several more years to collect that elusive fourth ring that he stumbled into.  Remember, he did have a healthy Dwayne Wade and they matched up with those same Dallas Mavericks you scored 62 on earlier that year.  Chin up Kobe, your a big kid now….just let it go and concentrate on the important things like actually showing up when your team needs you on the biggest stage, the NBA Finals.

I wanna be like Mike…..

Shaq

Dude, leave the guy alone.  You have the upper hand in championships, teams played on, movies “acted” in, CD’s released, voice tone and bra size.  Can you move on and let this guy play basketball?  The last thing a guy like this needs is added pressure when he’s trying so hard to live up to the expectations of the fans, media and Lakers management.  I realize, as you probably do, that this is a full out bully complex coming from you.  Your worried that the world will realize that he is the better player and that Mitch made the right trade by tossing an aged center out in favor of one of the truly great players in the game, even if you did collected another ring.  You put down Kobe in the media every chance you get because you know that you would have never even touched the O’Brian trophy without Kobe and Dwayne and your afraid his success will show that to the world. 

Shaq, what are you going to look like if he overcomes his inability to rise to the occasion and begins to win championships without you.  You have a one ring buffer and a very small window to increase that lead.  I suggest you say no more about him or the Lakers.  It might be a boring soundbite but you’d hate to have a Tom Brady “we’re only going to score 17? Yeah right.” moment.  So next time you feel the urge to put down Kobe just remember he makes his free throws and has never dressed up in a genie outfit and let himself be filmed.

He’s still dressed better then Criag Sager.