Pyle of List

God. Damn. It.

I’m sorry, I meant: God, why did you have to go and cause it to rain during my boy CLAYTON KERSHAW!1!’S most recent start? Hmm? What’s the matter, did Jesus put a large scratch in the side of the family car, after you specifically told him that he could only borrow it to take Nicole to the dance if he was really careful?

I mean, it’s just not fair, Lord. My boy was rolling! Four innings of two hit, shut out ball all for naught. He even had two Lembecks already!! Instead, you make it rain and Joe Torre freaks out because it is hard work keeping the ladies off of KERSHAW!1!’S rock hard abs for that long of a duration, and pulls him from the game. Then Chan Ho Park comes in and gives up 5 ER in 1.1 innings. “It just wasn’t one of his better outings” - yeah, I guess not, Joe!

Dear Father, I know you are merely testing Uncle Charlie by keeping him from his first win in this manner, but I must ask that you cease and desist, before someone who is a 6′3 Texan with the best curveball to grace your green Earth flies up to heaven and turns you into stone with one stare from his beautiful brown eyes. What’s that you say? My boy KERSHAW!1! can’t fly? Ha! Shows what you know! Every morning KERSHAW!1! wakes up and flies around the world stopping terrorism in it’s tracks, so the good people of Earth can eat our Baskin Robbins Oreo Cakes in peace.

So, in closing, please just let KERSHAW!1! win his first game, then you can go back to trying to beat “Through The Fire and Flames” on ‘Expert’*.

Amen.

*Ain’t gonna happen!