Pyle of List

Hola amigos. Let me check…yep, it’s 3:30pm out here in California and I just woke up. I think that’s a record for me; “Earliest Waking Time In Seis De Mayo History”.

Last night was cuh-raaaaaazy! Me and some of the boys from the drywalling crew went over to Acapulco for “Margarita Mondays” and painted the town red, white, and green. Those are the Mexican flag colors, right? Well, even if it’s not, that’s the color of the dried vomit I’m trying to clean out of my carpet this morning. Definitely shouldn’t have gone with the shag…

So yesterday at the job site, I kept saying ‘Drink-o de Mayo’ cuz it’s a hilarious pun that I thought up. But then Ricky says that everyone says that and I should stop acting cool and shut my mouth. Stupid Ricky. Oh yeah, well does everyone piss on your car door while you’re chatting up that porker at Acapulco? Oh, right, baseball…

Cubs 3, Reds 5

Highlight - Griffey Jr. robbing Soriano of a HR like it’s 1995, and then Felix Pie one-upping him with a better HR stealing grab on Griffey.

Lowlight - Last night this guy showed me this game where you slam your knuckles into a table, and whoever bleeds first loses. Turns out he was opening his hand right before slamming it down and everyone was laughing at me. Whatever.

Boston 6, Detroit 3

Highlight - Made out with a Korean chick by the pay phone during the 6th inning.

Lowlight - Papelbon reminds me of “papsmear” which reminds me to get tested because that Korean chick didn’t seem very clean.

Cards 6, Rockies 5

Highlight - Good, competitive, game. Classic NL ball.

Lowlight - I didn’t watch one second of this game. I was trying to talk to this table of sorority girls. Turns out being older isn’t cool anymore unless you’re a doctor or something. Whatever, they were skanks anyways.

White Sox 0, Toronto 1

Highlight - Ozzie Guillen’s tirade.

Lowlight - The bartender talking loud enough for the sorority girls to hear when my credit card gets turned down.

Phillies 11, Arizona 4

Highlight - I spend two hours saying ‘Max Scherzer’ over and over again because I’m drunk off my ass and it sounds funny.

Lowlight - Ricky just left with Porker. She drives and he avoids piss handle. Damn!

Angels 4, Royals 0

Highlight - New table of sorority girls!

Lowlight - Strike 2…

Mets 1, Dodgers 5

Highlight - Dodgers win! Gotta love that.

Lowlight - No one is impressed by my Kirk Gibson batting stance impression. And I have to pay for that beer glass I knocked over.

Baltimore 1, Oakland 2

Highlight - Korean girl is back and says that if I pay her tab she’ll come back to the house with me. Score!

Lowlight - Waking up next to her is #11 on ‘bad choices Patrick makes while drunk’ list.

Texas 3, Seattle 7

Highlight - Richie Sexson homers, allowing me to walk around saying “Sex on!”.

Lowlight - Apparently the management at Acapulco regretfully disagrees.