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Here at Pyle of List we’ve been looking for a new writer to add to our three-man team. So we’ve scoured our local regions for unknown talent in Blogfrica, trying to find our next contributor. But how can we decide between so many qualified candidates? Thanks to hours in front of the TV, which has clearly rotted our brains, we decided to forgo the standard interview process and hold an American Idol-style competition that allows our readers determine the winner! (We were hoping for the MILF Island style, but all uninhabited islands are being used for other reality TV shows)

The rules are very simple. Each week, the Judges (DLamp, Lunchbox and JP) will assign a topic to the contestants that they’ll send back to us. We’ll post their assignments along with our comments (and sometimes those of a celebrity judge) every week and allow you to vote for the best blogger. The contestant with the least votes each week will be eliminated. The contestant that avoids elimination until the end wins the contest and a writing gig for our site. If you’ve turned on a TV in the last 4 years, you probably already knew the rules before you finished the 1st paragraph. Come back and vote every week to see the last man standing and who will be the Blogfrican Idol!

Please take the time to vote and review next week’s challenge at the end of post.

Without further ado, here are the contestants for the 1st Annual Blogfrican Idol:

JD Butter

The life of ANY party, this fashionable C.C.B. is handsome and witty, with an unquenchable thirst for good times. Like the song says, “he loves the nightlife, he’s got to boogie,” is an enthusiastic dancer, and digs drinking and eating out. Sharp threads and cool accessories top off a smart attitude for this “Dark Gable,” who needs no batteries to always be ready for action right out of the box! When he’s not being the life of the party, JD works in the music business, lives in Los Angeles with his three stuffed animals, fancies himself a writer, and spends considerable one-on-one time with mirrors. A graduate of San Francisco State University, he is also a hardcore music head, with more CDs than he has storage capability for, and he knows WAY more about sports than you do. He also has more tennis shoes than Nike, and they are all in immaculate condition. You can read his hilarious, irreverent e-mail blast The Butter Dish by e-mailing him at the_butter_dish@yahoo.com and demanding to be put on the mailing list, and peep his featured column on RotoHog.com at http://community.rotohog.com/columnists/jdbutter1
And now that we’ve gotten that all straightened out, down in front, ruffians, the JD Butter show is about to begin!!

 

Mako McCain

I was born in a small farming community that has since been devoured by the urban sprawl, “white-flight” from the Dallas-Fort Worth juggernaut. My hometown no longer exists. I’ll never go home again.

When I was 19 I found myself a good, loving woman and we escaped to Austin just before they tried to give me a blue vest and sentence me to a lifetime of shaking hands with strangers outside the new Wal-Mart. It was in Austin that I became a Longhorn and found a higher purpose in life for at least nine months or so out of the year. For two and half years we lived on BBQ, cheap beer, Texas football, and live music. Life couldn’t get any better.

So it got worse.

By a tragic twist of fate, we found ourselves in New Haven, Connecticut for three years while I studied non-lucrative subjects such as philosophy, religion, and ethics. It seemed to be the logical fallout for someone who was still mourning the loss of his adolescent dream to play professional basketball, dreams that died fast when he stopped growing sometime at the end of his 8th grade year.

In retrospect, I should have majored in engineering. Maybe then I’d actually have some money.

Nevertheless, when the opportunity presented itself, the Mrs., our baby boy, and I gathered what meager funds we had, threw our possessions to the curb and made haste back to Austin, where we knew the sun is always shining, rent and beer is cheap, people are friendly, and they still celebrate all that is good and holy about a pigskin and 100 yards of well-cut grass on Saturday afternoons.

Austin, Texas is where we are now. Just takin’ ‘er easy, until the winds should turn our sails once again…

Ozzy Neav

My name is Ozzy Neav and I’m a sports and entertainment freelance writer. I was born in the hellish heat of Jerusalem and raised in the freezing death of Toronto. I split my time between both places and will stay in Israel until the heat becomes too much for a sane man to endure. Reading, writing and Baseball keep me busy throughout the day, along with mild usage of alcohol and tobacco. I am also an avid fan of Football; that being the European version and not the American blasphemy we call a sport. I hope to one day write a movie script and perhaps a novel, except I’ve been saying that for about three years now and my procrastinating nature has always gotten the better of me. I hope to go far in this contest and improve both my competitive and writing talents. I also hope to make some new friends and on and on and yawn. Who am I kidding here? I want to kick some ass and take names! Actually, I’m not going to even bother taking names. Let the games begin, chumps! Ok, so maybe I’m not that obnoxious and arrogant, but I really feel like I can go far. In any case, I want to wish all the other contestants the best of luck! By the way judges, the $100 we talked about are in your PayPal right now. Ha, just kidding. Or am I?

Philguard

Good day. It’s great to be here in cyberspace with you. I was looking to give you enough information so that we are no longer strangers. After all, stranger danger was the major concern for my parents. I was sat down in front of an hour long special on tape that gave me all kinds of good tips. For future reference, our secret word will be Bud. If anyone comes to pick you up and says I sent them, ask them for the secret word. If they don’t know, RUN AWAY. Now that we aren’t strangers anymore…
I thought the best way for you to get to know me quickly would be for me to give you some idea as to what I believe about sports.I believe…
• pro athletes get paid too much.
• college athletes get paid too little, unless you count boosters… then it’s probably about right.
• the NFL has grown to be #1 in sports because they have avoided labor problems the longest.
• the NHL can be a viable pro league again, as soon as Bettman leaves.
• the Green Bay model of ownership should be adopted by all professional teams.
• there is a difference between cheating and gamesmanship.
• steroids is cheating.
• secretly taping the other teams coaches is cheating.
• NASCAR was best when the rules left some room for new ideas. That’s gamesmanship.
• villains and underdogs are always more compelling than their counterpart.
• fans have the power to control sports. It’s about time we stopped complaining and did something about the things we don’t like.
This is a short list of a father of 2 little girls in San Antonio, Texas who wants badly to argue with all sports fans across the nation. React to me!!!

David Hartman

I am the 24 year old Bay Area-born offspring of an unholy alliance between a 49er fan (father) and a Cowboy fan (mother). After their inevitable split, however, my dad made sure that the ways of Cowboy fandom/the dark side would never be instilled in me. Instead, I grew up worshipping the ways of scarlet and gold on the gridiron, and orange and black on the diamond. And it’s dark times for both these days. It’s what I like to call a “rebuilding period”. A “rebuilding period” that I realistically expect to be completed sometime around my filing for Social Security.

Growing up in the Bay Area I experienced a rite of passage that entails going to a night game at Candlestick Park. Only at Candlestick could a child experience a whirlwind of napkins and hot dog wrappers rip through the field. I’ll be honest, it was a miserable experience as a child. Eventually, though, I grew to love it. I have adorned my bedroom with enough Giants memorabilia to assure I will never get farther than second base ever again. Which is a lot like the Giants now.

I spent two years as an Air Force trained medic and it taught me a lot. Most importantly, that I didn’t want to be a medic anymore. I currently reside in Plano, Texas. I enjoy writing, sports, movies, music, gardening, pottery, decorating and all the other things men like.

Most recently, besides creating a morning routine of drinking too much coffee and shaking my head at the box scores, I jumped on the blog bandwagon. It is regularly read and enjoyed by a handful of fans. And sometimes it is read by people who aren’t my coworkers or family. I doubt it’s enjoyed, though.

JD LeCoq

J.D. LeCoq is a freelance journalist living in San Antonio, Texas. J.D. writes about news, weather, politics, sports and whatever else catches his fancy in a homespun manner using tons of common sense and plain old hard work. His works include novels (as yet unpublished), screenplays, editorials, short stories and blogs. J.D. has the ability to make us laugh (he told him not to do that) at one turn and cry (his poor old Dottie dog died)at the next.

For a down home approach to things, serious and not quite so serious, check out what this middle-aged guy has to say. His quick wit and easy going manner will put at ease and allow you to really enjoy his writing. Never at a loss for words (he’s only lost his hair)you will enjoy his views on all things.

Born in Louisiana this Crazy Cajun has bayou water running in his blood that flows purple and gold. Educated at LSU, and true to Randy Newman’s words ( he went in dumb and came out dumb, too), J.D. will add Southern charm and hospitality to all his writings. You will feel like you are talking with an old friend when you read his writings.

So take a look at this wily word smith’s offerings. His wit, charm and knowledge will allow for a good read without too much pompousness. He may throw in a WAT (Wild A– Theory) on occasion, but in the end he will dazzle you with his brilliance!

Frank Nevarez

I’m Frank Nevarez, a longtime southern California resident. We’re spoiled sports fans in SoCal. We are spoiled on many wining seasons from Lakers, Dodgers, UCLA basketball, USC football — even the old LA Rams. We don’t really care if they’re losers because we then conveniently pay no attention to them. You see, there’s always plenty to do in LA other than sports. Besides, the Dodgers – even if they’re losing—always have Vin Scully.

But we can make fun of our local sports heroes. Look at the personal and professional messes of USC football greats Matt “Beer Bong Time” Leinart and Reggie “Thank God I Cashed In Early on Endorsements Before My True NFL Value Became Evident” Bush. Remember, folks, this is the same school that gave us O.J. Okay, I admit it, I’m a UCLA fan.

Hockey doesn’t really count here. It being a COLD weather sport and all. The Los Angeles Mighty Ducks of Anaheim took the Stanley Cup last year. They used to play at an arena called the Pond, very hockey apporpriate. Now they’ve gone corporate: the new name for the building is the Honda Center. Their Zamboni resembles my friend’s old Accord: dented fender and uneven paint job. But it is a hybrid.

But the Lakers are hot again and may actually make some noise in the play-offs. Soon. We’ll see all the bandwagoners hoist their Lakers car flags and this town will look like a Christo exhibit. Besides, even if the Lakers lose, we always have the Lakers Girls.

We used to like the old LA Rams: especially with Eric Dickerson. He could not be stopped and no one ever rocked the jeri curl as good as he. Besides, we knew we could always set our calendars to Ram’s annual play-off losses to the Dallas Cowboys and the Minnesota Vikings.

I have to go now, I’m thinking of burying a basketball jersey at the new LA Clippers training facility around the corner. Okay, so it’s not quite Red Sox-Yankees stuff. And while the jersey won’t be Lakers’ Forum Blue (since the Lakers pretty much kick their butts and it’s not much of a rivalry), I’m going to go back to the Clipper roots: the Buffalo Braves. And I think I’ll bury an appropriate rivals jersey from those olden days…hmmm..how about the Pittsburgh Pipers?

Here’s my campaign slogan (in honor of the Memphis Tigers): Don’t tank. Vote for Frank.

Next week’s challenge: Create a 5-item list that deals with a contemporary sports topic.