Pyle of List

Its all come down to this, ladies and gentlemen. The finale of the tournament featuring the villainiest villains in all of Villainsburg. It’s down to Oprah, Darth Vader, Snidely Whiplash and Ben Linus. However our readers saw it a bit differently in two brackets, picking Cobra Commander and Dick Cheney, but agreeing with us on Vader and Ben Linus.

Our only award is the “Most Unjustly Excluded Villain” Award, which goes to Skeletor, which has been getting loads of heat in the comments.

Without further ado, here we go….

Participants (Seeded Alphabetically)

Ben Linus (TV Bracket) - This man is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, protected by a smoke monster. A devious mastermind, Ben always knows more than you, and will use this information to make you a pawn in his Gilligan-esque game of chess. Sports counterpart: Greg Maddux

Darth Vader (Movie Bracket) - You know you’re a ‘G’ when you have your own entrance music. Also, all black never goes out of style for evildoers. Neither does killing innocent people, choking insolent generals, and being a dead-beat dad. Vader liked to keep his bases covered. Sports Counterpart: Coach K

Oprah Winfrey (Real Life Bracket) - Remember back when Oprah’s show was just another version of Jerry Springer? Of course you don’t. That’s because Oprah has had the entire world brainwashed in her attempt to take over the world. There is a 50/50 shot that Oprah is the Anti-Christ. Sports counterpart: ESPN

Snidely Whiplash (Cartoon Bracket) - I feel like all villains are just different, updated versions of Snidely Whiplash. An icon of evil, all women fear being tied to the tracks by this mustached fiend. Sports Counterpart: Ty Cobb

Semi-Finals!

v.

DLamp: Oprah - Ben is bad, but he’s not Oprah bad! For every resource Ben has at his disposal, Oprah has 10. The island that Ben treats as his own personal playground? Oprah owns 10 islands, that are even bigger and crazier than his! “Oh, you think polar bears and smoke monsters are crazy? Well I’ve got a singing birthday cake that controls the weather on my islands!”

Lunchbox: Oprah - Ben Linus is small potatoes. Oprah is corporate. You just don’t cross Oprah. Remember that guy who promoted his fake biography on her show? I think she had him sent to Guantanamo Bay. And then, OMG, she gave out some pink ipods to her TV audience!!!!

JP: Oprah - As mysterious and omnipotent-ish as Ben and the Others seem, they just can’t compete with the O… which is very, very scary. Think about it like this, Ben’s reign is on a small island in the middle of nowhere while Oprah has that kind of power all across the global community we call Earth.

Winner: Oprah!

v.

DLamp: Darth Vader - This was tough match-up for me, because I really wanted Whiplash to pull it out. But I just don’t think he has the athleticism to keep up with Vader. I mean, Vader cut his son’s hand off for trying to take a cookie (Princess Leia) out of the cookie jar (Vader’s love station).

Lunchbox: Darth Vader - The only weakness I see for Vader here is his asthma. Everything else is in his favor. If they side by side, wouldn’t Whiplash just about come up to Vader’s kneecap? The only thing I’m not clear on is how Vader would dispatch Snidely. Since Snidely is a cartoon, I don’t think any amount of choking with The Force is going to work. I’m feeling like the Dark Lord would chop him into bits with the light saber.

JP: Darth Vader - We all love Snidely Whiplash, but he’s far too one-dimensional to defeat Vader. Can you imagine Vader getting tied to train tracks under any circumstances? Plus, the fact he’s not a helpless woman certainly would affect Snidely’s mentality. Whiplash, like a serial killer, has a very specific MO which has served him well in the cartoon world but has not prepared him for the force.

Winner: Darth Vader!

Championships of Evil!

v.

DLamp: Darth Vader - This feels like a finals. This is Lakers/Celtics, Yankees/Red Sox, Colts/Patriots, whatever makes you think of two juggernauts running at each other full speed. I just think that when the dust clears, Vader is somehow the only one left standing. If only Oprah could have stayed as fat as she used to be, the extra padding might have put her over the edge. But it feels right to cast a vote for Lord Vader.

Lunchbox: Oprah - Well, first thing’s first. Oprah’s real life counterpart is ESPN. Vader’s is just Coach K, who seems to lose more and more significance every March. Vader has an empire, but so does Oprah. And I bet Oprah’s is worth more. So Oprah has that going for her. Also, she’s never lost to anyone. Vader lost to some underfunded rebel yahoos with a patchwork militia. Robot Chicken said it best, “Death Star blown up by a bunch of f*%&ing teenagers.”

I know he’s got The Force on his side, but like my PoL brethren have mentioned, Oprah has women of the world on her side. How could she lose?

JP: Oprah - I just don’t see anything of this galaxy or any galaxy (even those far, far away) defeating the juggernaut that is Oprah. I truly believe she is the most powerful force in the universe. She got Americans to read again, people! Not just magazines or trashy romance novels either, real honest-to-God literature. If that isn’t inevitably corrupting power, I don’t know what is. As my brother-in-law put it, Vader’s force powers typically only affect people in the same general vicinity, while Oprah’s control millions on a daily basis. Guys have always expected women have some sort of super-sensory power and Oprah serves as proof. If she went on her show today and declared that we need to annex Malta and Greenland, it would happen before the President even found out.

Winner, and most evil being in the universe: OPRAH!

Thanks to everyone who voted and followed along. Sorry to everyone who’s brackets got screwed over by The Joker getting bounced in the first round.