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If you’re anything like us, you woke up every Saturday morning to watch cartoons, and to cheer for your heroes as they fought some of the greatest villains of all time. But who is the greatest villain? Here in the March Badness Cartoon Conference, we will decide just that question, and then pit them against the champions from our other conferences: Movies, TV, and Real Life.

Participants (Seeded Alphabetically)

Bluto - Arch-nemesis to Popeye, Bluto was a big bad man. Hardening his fighting skills on the seas (most likely as a pirate) Bluto uses brute strength to intimidate foes. Sports counterpart: Tank Abbott

Boris & Natasha - Evil, scheming agents of the Pottsylvania Mafia, Boris Badanov and Natasha Fatale will go to any lengths to get the job done. Are they just partners, or are they something more, uh, intimate? The world may never know. Sports counterpart: Bill Bilicheck and Tom Brady (Brady’s totally the girl)

Cobra Commander - This description is taken from the original Cobra Commander action figure ‘Character Dossier Card’: “Cobra Commander is hatred and evil personified. Corrupt. A man without scruples. Most dictators and would-be Napoleon types are hampered by the need to pretend that they are pursuing a noble and just cause. Cobra Commander doesn’t have that problem. This guy’s in it for the money and the power, and if anybody else is interested in these things, they can pick up an assault rifle and get in line behind him.” Sports counterpart: Duke

Dr. Claw - Doctor George Claw is a scary man. How scary? No one has ever seen his face! If he’s this hard to defeat while sitting in a chair in Transylvania, imagine how tough he would be if he actually got involved in matters himself! Sports counterpart: Rip Hamilton

Krang - An extremely intelligent warlord from Dimension X, Krang traveled to our dimension by accident one day, and then aligned himself with the diabolical Shredder. And plus he’s just gross looking. I totally dare you to poke him with that stick over there! Sports Counterpart: Bobby Fisher

Megatron - Oh boy, watch out. Not only is this guy a giant robot, but he also happens to turn into a giant hand cannon. Thank god for Optimus Prime and the Autobots, or we’d all be Megatron’s slaves by now. Sports Counterpart: Peyton Manning

Snidely Whiplash - I feel like all villains are just different, updated versions of Snidely Whiplash. An icon of evil, all women fear being tied to the tracks by this mustached fiend. Sports Counterpart: Ty Cobb

Yosemite Sam - The rootin-est, tootin-est, six gun shootin-est man North, South, East, aaaaaand West of the Pecos. Always armed and always pissed off, Sam is always up for a good fight. Sports counterpart: Mike Leach

Round 1 - Fight!

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DLamp: Bluto - Neither of these combatants seems to have too much going on upstairs, so I give it to Bluto on size alone. Sam was so short, he had to climb a ladder just to get on his horse. Bluto eats horses. Next case!

JP: Bluto - Sam shoots like a bad guy in Commando and probably doesn’t have Bluto’s hand to hand skills. However, Bluto has a Gerry Cooney-esque glass jaw. One punch and he’s done for. I think Bluto gets an early KO though, unless of course Sam wears the confederate uniform with the whip. Then all bets are off.

Lunchbox: Bluto - Well, to start off, both of these guys have righteous facial hair. So it’s a push there. Both of their mental capacities are on par with an old boot. Push again. Yosemite Sam has a couple six-shooters that always seem to miss their target. Bluto has the build of a modern day MLB designated hitter. It all boils down to the fact that it’s a big man’s game. Bluto wins.

Winner: Bluto!

v.

DLamp: Snidely Whiplash - No brainer! Nothing says evil like the twirling of a long mustache between your thumb and forefinger, and Whiplash invented that move. Besides, Boris & Natasha sound Russian, and I love ‘Merica. USA! USA! USA!

JP: Whiplash - An absolute blowout. Whiplash by a double train homicide.

Lunchbox: Whiplash - Growing up, we used to have a couple pigs by the names of Boris and Natasha. But that’s a story for another day. Did B&N ever successfully launch any sort of attack on Moose and Squirrel? They’re just a couple of bumbling communists. By the look of him, Whiplash embraces capitalism…and we all know who lost the Cold War. The commies.

Winner: Snidely Whiplash!

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DLamp: Cobra Commander - This was the toughest one for me, because both these guys hold a special place in my heart. Ultimately, it came down to a coin flip, basically, in my head and The Commander won out. It probably wasn’t Megatron’s fault though; I’m sure Starscream totally dropped the ball.

JP: Megatron - Cobra Commander without Destro or those slightly effeminate twin bodyguards is not nearly as effective. Megatron wins via gigantic gun.

Lunchbox: Cobra Commander - Cobra Commander was one slimy fella that was intoxicated on power. Dude had money too. I don’t know where he got it all from, but it was substantial enough to wage a conventional war against the US. He wasn’t down for that insurgency-type stuff. Besides, Megatron could only turn into a pistol. He was probably the lamest Transformer out there. How’d he get put in charge anyway?

Winner: Cobra Commander!

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DLamp: Krang - Dr. Claw never really impressed me that much. I mean, he never really succeeded against a girl, her dog, and a barely functioning retard in Inspector Gadget. Krang had already conquered a dimension before he came here and got saddled with a supporting cast of Beebop and Rocksteady. Lousy toitles!

JP: Claw all the way. I’m fairly sure Krang is afraid of cats, especially those that laugh maniacally.

Lunchbox: Krang- The only thing Dr. Claw ever had going for him was some very well placed surveillance cameras. How did he always manage to spy on Inspector Gadget, no matter where he was? Krang was a space alien brain thing with a giant mechanical robot suit. If that doesn’t spell winner for you, I guess you’re a loser.

Winner: Krang!

Round 2 - Fight!

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DLamp: Snidely Whiplash - I figure it would take about two minutes for Whiplash to confuse Bluto with some shiny object, and next you know Bluto is tied to some train tracks. I mean, how dumb must Bluto be to think Olive Oyle is the hottest chick on the planet? She ain’t got no tits!

JP: Whiplash, since he’s so much smarter and more focused than Bluto. Snidely has the unflinching obsession of tying women to train tracks which rivals any serial murderer in history. And if you think Bluto will stop him from making Olive Oyl his next victim, you’re sadly mistaken.

Lunchbox: Blut0 - Bluto just wiped out another short maniac with eccentric facial hair. And Yosemite Sam even had guns. Snidely doesn’t have enough rope to tie Bluto to the tracks.

Winner: Snidely Whiplash!

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DLamp: Krang - Another hard one. But I figure by the second round, Krang would have both his body built (if Shredder would just hurry up and finish this already!) and have a squad of Rock Soldiers over here to assist him. All Cobra Commander has is Destro and those gay twins. Seriously, what was up with those guys?

JP: I love that DLamp and I both referenced the exact same COBRA goons in separate sections. I’ve got Commander on this one though. I just don’t think Krang has the goods to make a deep run. He’s a big conference team without senior leadership in the real tournament, doomed from the start.

Lunchbox: I’m going with Krang here. Cobra Commander may have had the help of goons from Cobra-La, but Krang is a space alien. I’m assuming if he’s figured out how to travel millions of light years to get here AND speak English, Cobra Commander shouldn’t be much of a problem for him.

Winner: Krang!

Final Round - Finish Him!

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DLamp: Snidely Whiplash - What it comes down to for me is the purity factor. Whiplash is an icon for good reason, and no one can out-sinister him. I’m also counting on some Neutrino interference here.

JP: It has to be Whiplash. He could win on name alone. He’s the template for the modern villain, which can never be discounted, and the main reason we are instinctively wary of men with moustaches.

Lunchbox: My vote here is for Snidely Whiplash. Krang’s space alien technology from Dimension X are no match for the villainous icon that is Snidely Whiplash. The sneer, the mustache, the top hat, and the wringing hands. It’s just too much. Although, I think in this instance Mr. Whiplash ties Krang to a rocket ship instead of train tracks.

Winner, and advancing to the Final Four: SNIDELY WHIPLASH!

Think we got it wrong? Vote below for who you think should have won, and if we were way off, your votes can change the outcome.