Pyle of List

In light of all the stink being made over some golf announcer using the word ‘lynch’ when talking about Tiger Woods, we decided to step back and take a look at the other racially driven moments in sports history that make you pull on your shirt collar a bit. Enjoy! Er, wait, it’s racism, so don’t enjoy. Or…aw nuts, I’m totally racist aren’t I?

Some people never learn

John Rocker Insults All Minorities In New York - Ah, long forgotten are his days at First Presbyterian Day School (thank you Wikipedia…) when he ran through the peach trees of Georgia. Now Rocker will only be known for his hate speech in 2000. Rocker told Sports Illustrated: “Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark, looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.” Someone should tell Rocker that AIDS jokes tend to go over like, well, AIDS.

Not pictured: Tolerance

Ty Cobb Is Born - Why are all racists from Georgia? Ironically nicknamed “The Georgia Peach”, Cobb was anything but peachy. The man reportedly would sharpen his cleats for added damage when stealing bases. Although, wouldn’t any of us be a little messed up if our mom’s had shot our dad’s in the middle of the night when we were kids? Cobb went on to be one of the best baseball players of all time, and also one of the most hated for being such “an asshole” - Babe Ruth. Cobb played baseball for more than twenty years, and when he died, only four teammates came to his funeral. Probably because there was a sign outside that said “No Darkies!”.

I’m sorry, are you talking to me?

Stuart Scott Forced To Use ‘Hood Jargon’ - We in the blogosphere hate us some Stu Scott. From his lazy eye to a million too many ‘booyah’s Scott has personified the evil that is ESPN. But I’m here to tell you that it’s not all his fault. Rumor has it that ESPN wanted to branch out to the African American community, in order to expand viewership. This idea was to be jump started by the use of slang terms and references to hip-hop culture. They shot one test episode with Kenny Maine screaming “but we don’t love these hoes!” everytime someone hit a homerun, but it just wasn’t working. Just then, a simple janitor with a lazy eye threw a banana peel into a waste basket and said ‘booyah’ to himself. The rest, as they say, is history.

I drink meat-milk shakes!

Edward Norton Dunks a Basketball - I’m watching American History X right now on FX. Edward Norton, all six feet of him, playing a skinhead, swastika-tattooed, white supremacist, just reverse dunked a basketball. Oh yeah, they also had freaking Louie Lastik from Remember the Titans playing for them.  And with this all star squad, the neo-nazis ran the black guys off the court in a pickup game.  Now, I know the filmmakers were probably trying to make some point here.  But couldn’t they have been just a little realistic?  Maybe Norton could have beat them at a game of volleyball or…I dunno, foursquare?

If it weren’t for George Mitchell, this would be the only roider in baseball.

Barry Bonds was the Steroids Goat - I could go on for pages about this.  I really could.  Oh wait, I did.  Barry Bonds pretty much despises the media, and it’s for good reason.  They continually vilified him as the destructor of the “pure” game of Major League Baseball.  Thanks to George Mitchell, we’ve learned that the best pitcher of the era, just like the best hitter of the era, was also juicing.  How come no one ever thought to accuse Roger Clemens?  Is he really that sneaky that no one was able to catch him?  Personally, he doesn’t strike me as being that clever.  He had a long, productive career just like Bonds.  He maintained amazing stats for his age just like Bonds.  He had a giant noggin just like Bonds.  But Bonds was the only guy getting serious heat.  I’ll admit, I didn’t think of it either.  But it makes perfect sense now.  Then again, I didn’t go around drumming up guilt like the sports media.  How come they didn’t think of it?

That’s the story of the Hurricane…

Rubin “Hurricane” Carter - If you’ve heard the Bob Dylan song, you know the gist of the story.  It’s true that Carter had previous run-ins with the law.  But I don’t know I would do with myself if I were falsely convicted of a crime and sentenced to 18 years in prison.  It makes my mind spin just trying to imagine it.  I always tell my friends I’m too pretty to go to jail.  Man,  someone would end up making me their bitch.  Anyway, because of the Carter’s previous crimes, the police and the DA were eager to get him behind bars.  Even if it meant fabricating a case.  Even if it meant ignoring/withholding crucial evidence that would have cleared his name.  He was convicted by an all-white jury.  He was fingered for the crime by a white burglar trying to get a deal for a lesser sentence.  Man, can you imagine if Al Sharpton got his hands on a time machine?  I bet you a million dollars he’d go back to 1966.

I am Shaq Fu!

Shaq Welcomes Yao to the NBA - Remember when those reporters asked Shaq how he would welcome Yao Ming to the NBA?  And remember when Shaq said, “Tell Yao Ming, ‘ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.”?  Yeah, me too.  I really don’t have anything to add.  But you should click on that thumbnail of Shaq up there.  It’s worth it.

Where are the white women at?

Jack Johnson jailed for dating white woman-  Unlike the aforementioned “Hurricane,” Johnson fled the country to avoid prosecution from a subjective loophole in the law for “transporting women across statelines for immoral purposes” after he sent his white girlfriend a train ticket. Granted it was the 1910’s, but if black men lovin’ white women is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. At some point the Mann Act must’ve been repealed or rewritten, otherwise the entire NBA would be doing prison time.

The Greatest (Conspiracy) of All-Time?

Muhammad Ali drafted alongside zero other pro athletes- Quick, name your favorite superstar pro athlete drafted into WWII. Ok, now try it for the Vietnam War. Keep thinking. Give up? It’s because Ali was the only one, which probably doesn’t have anything to do with the fact he was the most hated sports figure in America at the time. The behind the scenes governmental conspiracy involved with Ali forfeiting his title and losing several years of his prime is largely ignored, despite the fact Ali has recently become a beloved figure… after he got Parkinson’s of course. Can you imagine something like this happening today? It’s roughly the equivalent of Alex Rodriguez getting shipped off to Iraq tonight, except based on race and not the being a tranny-loving choke artist.