Pyle of List

(A trophy of mine from last year)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Internets, we are here today to honor one of the great fantasy sports minds of this generation…me. I’ve been away since the fantasy football season wrapped up celebrating my three (yes, I said three) Fantasy Football Super Bowl victories from this season. There were highs (Randy Moss in the 5th round of a keeper league) and lows (I swear Frank Gore was replaced by a sanitation worker for the majority of the season) just like you’d expect. You, the reader, may not care about my fantasy prowess. But that won’t stop me from tooting my own horn for a few hundred words. The day after the final scores were all tallied I had to call someone to brag that didn’t already hate me for winning. I called my girlfriend and she feigned interest very admirably. Now I will share it with all of you.

I’m going to break it down by league and then explain some good tidbits about each of them.

The Blogger Invitational

This league was hosted by the guys over at The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes. There were 14 managers, all sports bloggers of various ilks. JP and I co-managed the team and named it…Pyle of List. When I say “co-managed”, I mean that he and I gameplanned the draft and then I took the reigns for the season (since he has a life and everything and I’m a fantasy junkie). The regular season was just above mediocrity with a record of 7-6. But that was enough to get into the playoffs which was when our boys came to play. Frank Gore, Marion Barber, Aaron Stecker and Clinton Portis carried the load down the stretch. It was a team effort. Going into the Superbowl Pyle of List was a 29 point dog, according to Yahoo!’s projections. Empty the Bench had LDT, ROY Adrian Peterson, Reggie Wayne, Witten, Ben, and Brett Favre’s buddy Ryan Grant as his prime time players. Don’t forget that ETB “is geared toward fantasy sports enthusiasts and serious sports fans, and currently offers insightful and thorough analysis and fantasy advice on the National Football League…” according to their site. That made it all the more sweet when my team kicked their ass. The MVP of that game was Tennessee’s defense with 26 points. Thankfully they were playing against the Jets on that hallowed Sunday.

There were times during that season when I was ready to write us off. Mostly because Frank Gore was our first round pick. But the guys kept playing and never quit. We made it to the second season and from there we laid to rest one team after another: The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes in the first round, Grbac for More (The Extrapolator) in the second round, and Empty the Bench in the Superbowl. I’m quite proud of this one because sports bloggers take their fantasy sports pretty seriously…well, this one does anyway.

Final score: PoL 126.94 - ETB 105.93

VGFL (Vivendi Games Football League)
This is a 12-team keeper league that I have dominated for three years in a row now. I don’t really know any of the guys in the league personally. One of my old roommates worked with them and they have leagues for fantasy football, baseball (Where we use holds as a stat. I hate holds.), and basketball. Anyway, most of the guys in the league have never seen me before, but they all hate me because my team kicks ass year in and year out. Anyway, we get to keep four players each year. I kept LDT, Palmer, Larry Fitz, and Maroney this year (I didn’t keep Larry Johnson). Maroney was a complete bust for the regular season, but then in the playoffs he TOTALLY redeemed himself (and probably fooled me into keeping him again next year).

Those guys were great and all, but the real star performer on my team, All The King’s Men, was Patrick Willis. In this league we start three IDPs. Willis was a beast all season, but in the Superbowl he had 20 tackles, 2 sacks, a forced fumble, and a pass deflected good for 22 fantasy points! He was on the podium with me when I accepted the game trophy while the fans chanted “THREEPEAT!!” I was up against Horsey’s are Cute!!! who had a nucleus of Manning, Andre Johnson, Derrick Mason, Addai, and Grant. My main guys were Palmer, Boldin, Chambers, LDT, Witten, Maroney, and Willis. All the King’s Men has become a juggernaut in that league. I was going to be very disappointed if I didn’t win that league.

Final Score: All the King’s Men 169.35 - Horseys are Cute!!! 136.54

Get the Weak Sh*t OUT

This is another 12-team keeper league that I’ve been involved with for three years now. The first two years of the league this guy named Virgilio (sounds sleazy right?) dominated the league. He went undefeated the first year. We all hated him. He didn’t lose his first game in the league until half way through the second season. But he still pulled out the championship victory last year. My team, Paper Tiger, has always made the playoffs. But I had never reached the big game. Virgil and I always meet before the Superbowl because we are in the same conference. It’s kind of like how the NBA championship is played in the Western Conference Finals. The other conference in the league is the eternal whipping boy of our conference. This year, I dispatched Virgil and his band of Merry Men (he calls the team Bad Newz Kennels) in the conference finals by a hair (1.94 points). I give Tony Scheffler the credit for that victory for his 100 yard 1 TD performance that came out of nowhere. I also give part of the credit to Joey Galloway for only getting 7 receiving yards for the Kennels.

In the Superbowl I went up against my longtime friend Brian and his team, Leave Blood on the Field (oooh, scaaary). I was worried because he had Tom Brady at the helm. I had some no shows in the game. Brett Favre got me 1.72 points and Chris Henry got me a big fat goose egg. But Frank Gore, Randy Moss, and Kenny Watson!!! carried Paper Tiger that day. This was probably the most satisfying victory because I’ve known almost all the guys in the league for years. And there’s nothing like kicking your friends’ asses at some good ol’ fantasy sports. Especially when you can’t beat them on the basketball court…but this isn’t the place for that kind of talk.

Final score: Paper Tiger 123.22 - Leave Blood on the Field 112.40

I feel like it’s my civic duty to share my fantasy football wisdom with the masses next season. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go polish my trophies.