Pyle of List

Wow, all the division series have already wrapped up. We were just one Yankee win away from seeing sweeps across the board, and since the Championship Series’ haven’t started up yet, let’s take a look at the four teams quickly exiled from the playoffs this year.

Phillies

Sorry boys, maybe next year. Well, probably not. I mean, you guys overtaking the Mets was pretty outrageous and you had to play out of your minds for like two months which you can probably never repeat, and the Braves are only getting better. But you do have a solid offensive core in Rollins, Utley, and Howard, and your fans are still assholes, so you’re not dead in the water. I mean, their comeback was the biggest story at the end of the year (although most people focussed on the Mets blowing it,  rather than Philly taking it) until the Rockies made an even more impressive run them dumped them on their asses like a girl who wouldn’t put out on prom night. Skank…

Offseason Wish List: Pitching, pitching, pitching. A less skanky prom date. And to move to the NL Central.

Cubs

Way to show the world I was wrong about you guys. You totally belonged in the playoffs. Psyche! Christ on a crutch you guys stink. How many hits did your “stars” have? Two, three? Actually they were a combined 6-for-38 (or a .158 batting average). Zambrano actually pitched decently in the series opener, but your number two and three starters put up ERAs of 9.00 and 16.20 respectively? What IS your team good at? I swear that kid from Rookie of the Year is starting to look pretty good right about now.

Offseason Wish List: People who are good at playing baseball. Henry Rowengartner. Move to NL Cen…aw crap!

Angels

Let me start off by admitting that this postcard isn’t from Anaheim, nor is it from Los Angeles. But Santa Ana is very close to Anaheim and this was too funny to pass up. “Together again”? This is that couple that is constantly breaking up and getting back together, and each time they do it is with this ‘can do’ attitude that makes them think it’s going to work out this time, only she always ends up getting mad at how he doesn’t talk about his feelings and she’s not good looking enough for him to really try. I bet this party was a real riot. Round of Smirnoff Ices, on me! And don’t put an end time on your party. That went out of fashion after your second grade party where your mom made you invite every kid from your class, even that fat ass named Chris that no one liked and ate nothing but Twinkies for lunch. Oh, you wanted me to talk about the Angels? Blah blah blah inuries, blah blah blah no real power threats, blah blah blah Red Sox just a better team.

Offseason Wish List: Another power hitter to protect Vlad. Figgins to have another career year. Young guys start playing like veterans. Move to NL Central. 

Yankees

The Yanks are gone, and yet they are still getting more press than any ream remaining in the playoffs. Of course, people are talking about A-Rod letting the team down, and if you want to read about that, head on over to Fire Joe Morgan, those guys are doing a bang up job of covering that. This could be the biggest face lift the Bombers have received in a while. Mo Rivera will probably walk, Posada right behind him, Joe Torre is going to get the boot, A-Rod can opt out of his Saturn sized contract for a Jupiter sized one, and who knows who else will get the axe in blame for the Yankees not being able to make it out of the first round.

Offseason Wish List: Starting pitching. No, seriously, give us some starting pitching or you’ll be swimming with the fishies! A-Rod to come back. Don Mattingly to shave those damn sideburns.  Move the Boston Red Sox to the NL Central.