Pyle of List

I’m not going to be long-winded about it, Liston is a star. A big, bright shining star. I’m glad I got to interview him before he gets too big. After the interview I tried to kiss him on the mouth while I showed him my new Corvette that matched his. That’s how I roll.

Prepare a customized list that you’d like to share with the world.

This is a list of things you’ll need if you want to be in my ultra cool street gang:
a leather vest
some roller skates (And not those fag roller blades either. I’m talking about the good shit. The kinda skates that make a woman go “Whoa, check out those skates”.)
a fierce attitude
a whistle
one of those necklaces made of candy

Propose a fight for Fracas Friday.

I’d fight any chess player. That way I’d have a descent chance to win and if I did win I could say something sweet like, “Checkmate, bitch.”

3 best games you’ve ever watched (in person or on TV).

Kurt Sloane vs. Tong Po (Kurt Sloane is the character played by Jean Claude Van Damme in Kickboxer)
Female Mexican Teenagers vs. Not Getting Pregnant (It’s okay, I can say that. I’m a racist.)
Any game that the Spurs have ever won is awesome.

What 4 celebrities or athletes do you want in your posse? Whose posse would you like to be in?

My posse would be so bad ass. We’d probably give our posse a cool name like “The Tough Hombres” or “The Cool Hombres” or something hardcore like that. Which guys would I pick for my posse? No doubt about it, it would be me, Lincoln Hawk (from the movie Over the Top), Frank Dux (from the movie Bloodsport), Scorpion (from the video game Mortal Kombat), Johnny (from The Kobra Kai Dojo in the movie The Karate Kid. At first I thought he was a dick but now I realize he was just peer pressured by his Sensei.) and a gigantic black tarantula that had chainsaw legs that I could ride around like a horse. Fuckin’ A, baby.

What teams do you follow? Sports?

I watch all the sports. I love the Spurs. Like, I really love them, a lot. I’m not gay but sometimes I want to kiss Tim Duncan on the mouth.

What is your greatest athletic achievement? The worst folly?

It’s one and the same. Me and my mom had moved to a new city in California. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to leave my friends. At school there was this gang of cool guys that always gave me shit. They were always picking on me and stuff. One day I got dressed up like a shower and sprayed them with water at a halloween party while they were in the bathroom getting ready to smoke some pot. Then they tried to jump me. This old asian man jumped in wooped ‘em, big time. Then the old asian man taught me karate and I wooped ‘em all in the All Valley Karate tournament and got all the respect. Oh, and the old asian man gave me a car.

I’m auditioning this one as a potential staple question: how was high school for you? Please feel free to elaborate.

High school was awesome. I was real popular. Everybody always wanted to talk to me. Kids that I didn’t even know were always saying stuff when I walked down the hallway like, “what’s up, shitface?” or “move, fag”. Man, sometimes I wish I could go back.

Tell us something about yourself that nobody in blogfrica knows.

(What the shit is a Blogfrica?) Here’s something nobody knows about me: I like girls with big butts. I only date black chicks…… and midgets. Oh, and also, I go to school to learn not for a fashion show.

What do you want your blog to be known for? What do you personally want to be known for?

I just really really want people to like me. I have really low self esteem (from being so cool) so I always need people telling me that they like me. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that a good way to get people to like you is to just always ask them if they like you after every sentence. Like if there’s a group of us hanging out or something I’m always saying, “Man, this place is really cool. You guys like me right?” or “Dude, I can’t believe ya’lls parents have cancer. You guys like me right?”.

What post is your personal favorite? Which is the most popular?

I don’t know that I have a favorite. Each time I write one I think it is the funniest thing ever. But after I post it I get all scared and think it’s stupid so I take it down because I don’t want people to hate me. I’ve probably taken down about 12 posts and deleted them. No shit.

Do you want to do this for a living?

Do I want to do what for a living? Answer interview questions? I guess that would be okay.

Thoughts on the present and the future for the blogosphere. How does it fit with the mainstream media?

If everybody was doing legit news reporting like I do on my site then it would be more readily accepted. Instead you have people that just make shit up and post about ridiculous things. It pisses me off sometimes.

Any suggestions for a future interview?

Please interview any of the guys that I mentioned I would like in my Tough Hombres Posse.

You’re pretty new on the scene, what got you started blogging?

I had a dream one night. I was shirtless, riding a horse bareback through a field of flowers. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out but not terribly hot. Birds were chirping. There was a hint of sweetness in the air. The way I was sitting on the horse was making it look like I had a bad ass six pack. All of these hot chicks were screaming for me when off in the distance I saw a mysterious figure. It was mesmerizing. I rode my stallion over to the figure. I was getting closer and closer but for some strange reason I couldn’t make out who the figure was. I got to within about 6 feet when I realized, “HOLY SHIT! That’s Michael Dudikoff, The American Ninja. He looked me dead in my eyes for what seemed like an eternity. I could feel him searching my soul. Finally he spoke. He only said word to me;”blog”. It was like Jesus was speaking to me, except this Jesus knew special karate and could whoop my ass. I assumed he was using “blog” as a verb so I started the next day. I mean, what are you supposed to do when Michael Dudikoff, American Ninja tells you to do something? You fuckin’ do it, that’s what.

Your post on Blown Coverage “It’s Harder to be Racist These Days” was the best pinch hitting job since Kirk Gibson. But I gotta know, why were you at the beach in the first place?

I was practicing my “crane kicks” for a karate tournament. Apparently, practicing karate in the water and then on a pole makes you rock the shit.

How badly would it hurt your credibility if I sent you a picture of a black person swimming?

Since I am such a respected news reporter it would probably be exremely devastating.

Do you have a favorite ESPN personality? If yes, who is it?

Henry Abbott is dope. That guy probably gets a thousand emails a day but any time I have emailed him he always emails back with a response. How can you not respect that? Sometimes my own mother doesn’t return my calls. Plus, he’s used some of my stuff on True Hoop. The first time I saw my name on there I got so excited I just started kicking shit. For real.