Pyle of List

Greetings college freshman. You’ve undoubtedly heard more advice this summer than you can shake a stick at, from your parents down to crazy Uncle Ricky that never even graduated high school. A few things you need to know:

1) You WILL break-up with your signifcant other from home. The RA’s start betting on this at Move-in Day, each taking a different part of the year. Advice to New RA’s: 65% of breakups happen before Thanksgiving. I always went with mid-October.

2) At this point, you’ve probably heard this but I’ll say it again: always wear flip-flops in the shower.

3) The Freshman 15 is nearly unavoidable. Your job is to make sure it doesn’t turn into the Sophomore 30 or the Junior 100.

But, where’s the academic advice? All you know is that they threw a schedule of classes at you along with a thick course catalogue and let you have at it. While you may have already chosen all of your classes for this term, here are a few popular courses taught by sports figures that you can pick up in the spring or in case of the inevitable add/drop fiasco.

Astronomy 403: Complex Orbital Patterns of the Milky Way (4 Units)      

Professor: Vanessa Williams

Explore the Galaxy with disgraced Miss America and ex-wife of NBA retiree, Rick Fox, Vanessa Williams. Taken from Professor Williams’ thesis on the matter: “sometimes the sun goes ’round the moon”. Other courses from Prof. Williams include Meteorology 213: Rising Snowfall Levels in late Spring and early Summer.

Broadcast Journalism 106: Self-Righteous Indignation (4 Units)

Professor: Joe Buck

Learn how to creatively express your displeasure at the antics of the disgraceful hooligans both on and off the field with the proper tone and disgust.

Finance 231: The Value of Cash in the Marketplace of the Future (2 Units)

Professor: Randy Moss

What is the role of paper money in a world dominated by checking accounts and credit card transactions? Find out as Moss explores the advantages of currency in a debit-plagued society.

Computer Science 344: Advancements in Cell Phone Technology (3 Units)

Professor: Sean Salisbury

Digital media isn’t just for computers anymore. Nearly all content can be accessed right in the palm of your hand. Pursue the cutting edge of music, videos and pictures along with wireless file sharing.

Business 482: The Art of Negotiation (4 Units)

Professor: JaMarcus Russell

Learn how to play hardball and achieve your goals. Compromise is for the weak and so is softening your stance, even when it’s beneficial to you. When you can hold your position longer than your opponent, you win. Includes a special section on dealing with Senior Citizens.

Theatre 258: Character Study- Forrest Gump (2 Units)

Professor: Grady Little

The role won an Oscar for Tom Hanks and is the prototype for bringing home the gold statue at the Academy Awards. Explore the character in depth from his accent to his thought-process and decision making.

Freshman Seminars (1 Unit):

Construda and You, Professor: Lawrence Maroney

A Brief History of Internet Imagery, Professor: Brady Quinn

Dress for Success, Professor: Dr. Bill Belichick

Evolution of the English Language, Professor: Stuart Scott