Pyle of List

I know I haven’t posted in a very long time, but I won’t bore you with the details of my life. Instead, I’ll give you something I know you thirst for…a fantasy football draft recap! This is my first draft of the year, with at least two more on the horizon. I’ll give you my picks, with a little analysis. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts on my team/drafting abilities. Here we go…

Team Name: GRIDSiron Gang (I like to take any opportunity I can to remind people that AIDS used to be called GRIDS which stood for Gay Related Immuno Deficiency Syndrome)

Round 1 (8th overall selection) - Joseph Addai, RB, Colts.

Here is how the first round went: LT, Predator, LJ, Carson Palmer…wait a second, did I just say Carson Palmer went 4th overall? Why yes I did. That’s how someone with the terrible luck of picking 8th (out of twelve teams) has the wonderful luck of Joey Addai falling into his lap. Other people I thought about: No one. Addai or die!

Round 2 (17th overall pick) - Drew Brees, QB, Saints

I know this may seem early, but this is a QB heavy league (6 pts for passing TDs, 1 point per completion [!], etc) and you’ve gotta remember than Carson, Peyton, and Brady (10th overall, and not by my girlfriend) are already off the board. Plus, I like pulling for the Saints. If I didn’t take a QB here, I didn’t think there would be any way I would see one of the top 5 with my next pick. Other people I thought about: Ronnie Brown, Travis Henry, Willis McGahee.

Round 3 (32nd overall pick) - Thomas Jones, RB, Jets

Looks like I was wrong, McNabb and Bulger are still on the board. Curses! But calf injury be damned, I think Jones is going to have a big year. All the top flight WRs are gone (TO got taken the pick before mine) so I wanted to shore up my backfield. Other people I thought about: TJ Houshmandzadeh. What can I say, I’m a huge Bengals fan.

Round 4 (41st overall pick) - Donald Driver, WR, Packers

This pick really hurt me. I hate the Pack, and I hate Brett Favre. But it was between Driver, Randy Moss, and Andre Johnson and I wasn’t about to root for a Patriot or be forced to watch Texans recaps. Other people considered: See above.

Round 5 (56th overall pick) - Braylon Edwards, WR, Browns

At this point, WRs are flying off the board like Vicodin out of Lindsay Lohan’s medicine cabinet. What, too easy? The pick right before me: Darrell “Dropsies” Jackson and Deion “Willow” Branch. I decided at this point to start believing heavily in the “3rd year receiver principle” that people talk about. Other considerations: Reggie Brown, Joey Galloway, a top tier TE.

Round 6 (65th overall pick) - Mark Clayton, WR, Ravens

Here is my exact thought process on this pick: “Okay, Gates, Gonzalez, and now Crumpler (the pick right before me) are off the board. Go TE now or risk it? Is it just me or is that clock moving faster and faster?! Oh god, TE or another WR?! Gaaaaaah! Ooooh, Clayton is Third Yearer, and I heard this is his breakout year. I’ll risk it.” Then the guy right after me took Shockey and knew I would be scraping the bottom of the TE barrel. Other considerations: Kellen Winslow, Vernon Davis, Jeremy Shockey.

Round 7 (80th overall pick) - Randy McMichael, TE, Rams

Aw hell, not only did I miss all the TE I really wanted, but the defense run has started already. Oh well, I’ll risk my season on someone from the Rams having to catch a lot of passes. Other considerations: none.

Round 8 (89th overall pick) - Tatum Bell, RB, Lions

It’s at this point in the draft that I see a ton of quality RBs left. I mean, guys that wouldn’t make it past the third or fourth round in a “normal” league (i.e. not a retarded one). Taco Bell will be the starter for at least the first half of the season, and will put up good numbers. After selecting him I realize he has the same bye week as Thomas Jones. Double Curses! Other considerations: Ladell Betts, Julius Jones, Jerius Norwood.

Round 9 (104th overall pick) - Kevin Curtis, WR, Eagles

History of productivity? Check. Prolific offense? Check. Magical third-year-so-he-is-about-to-become-huge powers? Check and mate! Plus, he’s white, and I’m a little bit racist. Other considerations: Jerius Norwood, yet again.

Round 10 (113th overall pick) - Dallas, DEF/ST

At this point, there are already 8 DEFs off the board, and for some reason I’m really feeling Dallas this year. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I know I will have them shoved down my throat by The Four Letter Network of Doom all year so I might as well take an interest in them. Other considerations: Jay Cutler, Mushin Muhammed, DeShaun Foster.

Round 11 (128th overall pick) - DeShaun Foster, RB, Panthers

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool you…uh…I…can’t fool me again! Right Deshaun? None of this bull crap you pulled on me last year. You’re going to start, and you’re going to do well. And if you don’t, well then someone will be going to bed without dessert. Other considerations: Wes Welker, Matt Jones.

Round 12 (137th overall pick) - Rex Grossman, QB, Bears

It was either Grossman or Alex Smith. And I sat there debating until the clocked reached :10. As soon as I clicked I had the drafters remorse. Then I watched the MNF game and saw him fumbling snaps and throwing terrible picks and I threw up all over my dinner. Damn you Grossman! Now it’s personal!! Other considerations: Alex Smith.

Round 13 (152nd overall pick) - Anthony Gonzalez, WR, Colts

Hmm, I still don’t have a kicker do I? Bah, there’s two more rounds for that nonesense! I’d rather take a risk on a rookie WR who has The Best Quarterback Evar! throwing to him. Other considerations: Eddie Kennison, Michael Clayton, a kicker.

Round 14 (161st overall pick) - Steven Gostkowski, K, Patriots

Yes, I hate the Patriots. A lot. In fact, I hate all teams from the New England area (suck it, Bruins!). But I love saying “Gostkowski!” like I’m Mayor Quimby’s nephew. So my love for funny voices wins out over my hatred of Tom Brady and his band of merry men. And also something about them having a good offense blah blah blah…Other considerations: David Akers, Jason Elam, Matt Stover.

Round 15 (176th overall pick) - Tab Perry, WR, Bengals

WHO DEY?!?! Hey, I had to take a Bengal, and Tab is a great sleeper for the first half of the year while Chris Henry sits in the corner and thinks long and hard about what he’s done. Other considerations: none.

So there you have it, my first draft of the year in the books, and I am pretty happy with my team. Once again, feel free to rip me in the comments section.