September 2nd, 2010
Preparing For The College Football Season
Today marks the beginning of another season of college football. Here are some tips that will help fans make the most of the next few months:
-Ruin all of your friends’ credit ratings so none of them will ask you to spend a Saturday helping them move
-Figure out what color jerseys your team wears
-Memorize past victories against all of your scheduled opponents in case you lose to one of them this season
-Practice arguing bad calls by yelling at your dog until it wets itself
-Map out the quickest way to the coach’s house so that you can egg it at a moment’s notice
-Stretch out your throwing arm in case your son ever convinces you to pry yourself away from the TV for five minutes to acknowledge his existence
-Watch ESPN so you can be told what you should be paying attention to
-Learn background information on all the players so your insults will have that personal touch
-Instead of enjoying white wine or champagne during games, try drinking beer instead















































